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argh!!!! i cant take this bullshit anymore. i wish the next three months go by in a sec. 9months have gone by. shouldnt i be used to this? shouldnt i be ok with just another 3 more months? but im not. i dont know how to explain it. everyone seems ok with it. im not. having a taste of freedom these past 4 days was like oxgen to a suffocating victim. so luxurious. so much time to help others with their work, catch up with people who i lost contact with, do things i havent done in so long. n yet it was not enough. i still havent caught up with randall, tim, aerin, yahui, joe, iqbal, rachel, annabelle, jolenta. wish church would be how it was like last time. wish school was still the same for me. with joe n iqbal to have fun with n the church people to make me feel like i have a sense if purpose. sigh it felt soooo good.

i want to stop. i dont want to tahan another 3 months. i wanna give up now. wtf is wrong with me right? so close to the end n i want it all to end right now. no patience. why? maybe its because im questioning the benefits that are supposedly gg to be present when i commision. is it really better life? is it really slack? lets face it.. im in it not enitrely for the pride n the will to lead. i have it in me yes.. but im just like any other guy who is motivated by the claims that life is so much better after that. i hope it is. for i cant take another year of this nonsense. im not an army person. i love to teach. i love education. i love the idea of a free social life. i love to be in control of my life. i pray i get posted back to ocs though. its just like teaching all over again. i rather teach n inspire. well lets see...

boook in. cb. 3months. 3fucking months more. suck thumb n just bite the bullet. ill see u at the end.

Angelus blogged at 2:31 PM