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Angelus blogged at 8:55 PM

Angelus blogged at 2:47 PM

maths just sucked alright.

didnt do as well as i should. cant vent on anyone cause the world revolve around the fact that ryan cannot complain cause he supposedly gonna easily promote. damn you.

well totally lost motivation to do any work at all. loosing all hope of doing much. i know i shouldnt but yea its just the way i am

tired of this sharade i put so its time for me to let loose some steam.

i am fuckin scared as well. i think im not gonna do the best i can and although i may promote, i got a feeling i may loose something greater than the prospects of retaining.

and being surrounded by sad ppl and pessimistic ppl are ok with me. seriously. i dont mind talkin and cheering you guys up. but it hits a stage where you just got no one to cheer you up cause everyone thinks you are way on top of things.

the ever useless, but all ive got now, punching bag blog.

Angelus blogged at 1:03 AM

Angelus blogged at 11:37 PM

its simple.

the day was so different today.
attempted to study but yet thoughts deviatin towards you.
reminds me of ideal gases
so silent it was today.

Angelus blogged at 11:02 PM

i have a song stuck in my head now. realy awesome. yahui sent it to me this morning when i woke up. thank you (:

heres the song:

"Bless The Broken Road"

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

yepp thats it.

i spoke to rishi this afternoon. cant believe what his friends think of him. please la we are in a mixed school you dumbasses. why do you choose to segregate the genders?
ha i bet you dont even understand what im saying cause what you think already proves your stupidity. rishi can be irritating at times but who are you to tell him whom not to speak to. my guess is that you are jealous cause you cant let your stereotype in your head vanish and just mingle with the rest. its not like he doesnt talk to any guy at all. definitely is not flirt.
if you are reading this, i think you are not worth his time. seriously. haha and if you think you can intimidate him with your bullshit lies i challenge you to take me on. its not that hard to find out who i am. im the tallest guy in school. O.o

think you are so big . i dont think rishi needs friends likes you. i got his back and im sure a lot more others have mine. useless git.

Angelus blogged at 4:52 PM

yo people i be thinkin this be my last post till after promos yes? well maybe not. i may update again but if i do that means i either am damn confident in the subjects (highly unlikely) or i given up already.

well i dedicated my last post to the class of t30. this post however is dedicated to...

Id like to thank you for being there when i most needed you
i want to thank you for not beng there when i needed to learn on my own.
id like to thank you for giving me hope that i may stand a chance in gettin a normal life.
id like to thank you for puttin us to the test.

15days more. im sorry for hurting you if i have. i will admit here that i was being very stupid and tensed over nothing. you are my hope to giving me a normal life. ill testify it here. i dont care abt what ppl say. its my blog and what i want to say.
you are a sweet girl, a treasure in my eyes. and i wanna let you know that, cause it is what drives me to never give up. i do hope we both survive the next 15 days. times have been rough. with every stone under immense pressure a diamond emerges.

everytime you feel like givng up, think back on everythin good that we have gone through. remember.... doesnt that drive you to push for more fun times to come?

i have no itention of joining him the island. if it should be perhaps we be on an island together after this. i told you i hated promos. lol.

Angelus blogged at 10:15 PM

Angelus blogged at 6:56 PM

basically this is a short post.

i lost one pants today cause it doesnt want to come off. sigh. thankfully the shirt wasnt that bad. salvagable. i hate this. why cant i be normal? without the fuckin knee problems or the damn tall one? no one understands how it feels inside. agony beyond measure. but people just keep at it. and i hate being unable to do normal physical shit without hurtin my knees.
bet you think im equally hopeless too.
the feeling sucks when u got no one cheering you up but yourself. no one that believes in you but yourself. no one that you could talk to that would actually say something non sarcastically nice to you but yourself. i used to have that till that person one day packed up n left cause of things i got no control over. wonder if she will ever return.

no response since read. no shared thoughts abt it. assumption being made. you know what i mean. i guess after all it was a good thing i showed you. goes to show that i was a fool to assume it was really not the case.

Angelus blogged at 11:49 PM

i give up.
damn tired already. shoot, bang. dead.
hate this.
crying.
nabeh.
sorry blog ; my punching bag again.

Angelus blogged at 10:22 PM

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

yeah this be the second post after yahui suggested doin the test another time.

wah what a waste of time today when i reached home. attempted ionic equilibria. couldnt find no bra. haha. see ive gone nuts. must really gun chem this week. n bio next week must be pro. damn i must pass these. though chem not too sure.

been craving sweet stuff lately. sigh. hoping to eat with you soon. been a long while i agree. but with so many things happenin everywhere, seems we can never coordinate to go. lol.

the hunt is over

the dagger lingers over the throat of the beast.

this is all too familiar, it basicaly is routine.

but yet something is different this time.

as i am starin in his eyes I hear a voice whisper

for the first time, i cannot bring himself to kill the creature.

a feelin is holdin me back...

confusion.

Angelus blogged at 9:51 PM

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Angelus blogged at 4:57 PM

so close but not within reach

wah my brain is fryin. i is damn stressed. i tried the maths papers today. and basically it was there to tell me how much i suck. n then i thought to myself how maths is supposedly my strong subject? so if i suck in maths. .... .... ... yeah you get what i mean. my other subjects are screwed.

i hate promos. i really do. there is nothing nice coming out from this. lets list it down shall we?
1) its causing my heart to race in fear
2) its just gonna show how i suck in my studies.
3) if i dont do well, i will not forgive myself.
4) i know we are all in the same boat. so basically if i got a feelin im gonna fail, there is a chance the rest may too which is bad cause.... aiya its complicated.

i hate this shit. i wish it were over. wish it was as simple as olevels. i wish i was young again. blissful. stepping into grounds i know too well. but familiarity never meant adaptive.

im becomin increasingly bitter with life. dunno why. actually i do. but i dont want to say it here. it basically is how i wish someone up there would cut me some slack. like pls la. ive done what u wanted me to. i have helped a lot i dont intend to stop, dont get me wrong. ill continue to help. but please la...
why wont u send your guardian angel to me? or rather why do u put her so close but not within reach. you alr took away one last year and then the next closest person had to leave as well at the start of this.

sometimes you know me too well. i know ill survive. just wishing.....

haha fellow readers my blog is gettin more n more difficult to understand yes? thought so. haha. the papaya is wobbling with me now. lol.

Angelus blogged at 12:42 AM

hope for the best and prepare for the worst.


thanks butfut. that be useful for some reason. i m loving the song "that's why" by mltr. very nice. watched a lot of ali g n borat today. haha. oh went out to study with eugene today. haha damn funny la. lept disturbing me n talkin rubbish was pure awesome. lol. then it rained n we both were cursing our lungs out. how nice. haha. idiot, i shall hide my maths booklet at all cost now la. walau of all the colours. PINK!

then came home n baked a cake with timothy. haha also nice. then mum came back with a huge box of dunkin donuts and i remembered that she went to malaysia today sia. haha i be damn bored now.

i wish you were back right now. i dont like the idea of what im hearing man. its disgusing. worse comes to worse you dont go back tmr? haha. sheesh. cant believe it la. ewww. sigh.

promos are drawing damn near. shit man the teens are now turnig to single digit soon. by school reopen it be 10days left. oh no.
my knees have been hurtin an awful lot lately. really sucks. my left hand feels weird after being scalded slightly. felt like i set it on fire once again. haha. miss those times. no more fun without you guys man.

raindrops fall on the window,
light floods the room that is so gloom.
i step in over that dusty carpet,
and pull over the white sheet.
looks at the blade gleam at the edge,
stained with those who are now dead.

its time...

Angelus blogged at 11:34 PM

here a belated present to mr bala though u already seen it. haha.
yupp this is t30 n it rocks!!

lets just comment on project work for a while. im suppose to be tributing mendeleev but it seems the more i plan his tribute the more i want to shoot him if he were still alive.





yupp thats pw for you. n glancing at our term 4 timetable, it rocks but sadly its only for a few days la. nonetheless i only gotta face manbeast for 2 hours in the week. lol.



life waits for no one so why should you? carpe diem man. i learnt that a long time ago and figured thats what i shall do. many ppl take this meaning to literal and live the day as though someone will rob them of all their money or that there would be an annihilation of chocolates. lol on the contrary carpe diem means appreciating what you have in life n making the most of what you already have. i can choose to not appreciate this cup of milk that im drinkin at 1:09AM but i do. this glass of milk is what is keepin me awake at this hour. haha.

random i know. i finally got Ares on my laptop. so back to downloading music on my lappy. rusty has a new bling. anyways val if u are stil out there please call me asap. i wanna know what happened. like seriously. ive been tryin to call these past two days.

Angelus blogged at 1:02 AM

WARNING! Emo Post Ahead.
to some this is meaningless so i invite u to just ignore ok

here goes,

its perplexing.
i feel like shootin myself in the head la. why? cause i just dont want to face whats ahead. i dont know what happened between us. there was a time i knew you had feelings for me. now i dont know cause you are stressed out for promos. i dont want you to think abt it anymore. but hmmm... seems like i happen to think abt it.

yes. the way we have been has been justified. i understand it now. i really do. but i see ahead n i know things are gonna be different for us. at the rate we go, its not only you whom i know would loose feeling but me too. and that sucks cause i really do like you. and right now i dont want to let you go. maybe we wont. maybe at the end of the road we still will have feelings for each other. maybe you would recall how we were,

i dont know. seems like i temporarily have lost someone to talk to through this annoying thing called promos. someone who i could vent on n talk n light a smile on my face. damn makes u hate promos more than others eh? haha. yeah sad humour. yeah my blog has been my punching bag lately. wish you were still here but i know better after what we said ytd

clarify things here b4 another misunderstanding occurs. i dont expect an answer from you as according to you. i hope u understand that n stop feelin pressured abt things alr. i dont want an answer till we both are in a state to talk abt it till after promos. i just hope that you vent on me like you used to cause i know this are stressful times(for all of us, not just you). i cant help you study but i can be your punching bag. (: you wont raise my hopes by telling me how you really feel. cause i am a bit mature to know what is impt first.

i wont force u at the end of the line when things need to be settled. we weigh it together n we decide together. together damn it. when one is not agreeable after a long discussion then it wont work. this doesnt revolve around you alone. i too have a part in deciding. my mind isnt made up. though u think it is.

please dont make it look like i want an answer. i just dont want you to hide. just be brutally honest with yourself n me.
critical point here.
i asked u ytd if u really wanted to end everything, i wont hold you back but be sure to end it based on what you want. not what u think is best for me and not on what others think. i dont want u to stay cause you think you will disappoint me or that ppl will think bad of you. neither do i want u to leave cause u think its best for me or that cause people talk. n you chose not to leave as of yet. you chose to stay n wait till after promos. i hope you know that means that i havent given up on you n neither should you.
but it doesnt mean we will be togethere at the end of promos just cause we arent letting this die now. no it only means we give ourselves a chance.
a chance that we shouldnt think abt while we prepare for this irritating thing called promos but a chance that we not ignore. haha if u get what i mean after all this then say "apple pie". dunno why but yeah. haha

well. i am still gonna battle this thing called promos. idiotic thing but yeah. i wish life was cotton candy and bubble gum. we all hate pw. haha.

ok ppl im donin emoing. better put a warning above. lol. to ppl who dont understand just ignore it la. like i said, my blog has been my punching bag lately.

Angelus blogged at 8:36 PM

a bit of good news... today had bio lecture and i found out that homeostasis onwards is not tested. yay! haha. yeah i sat next to germaine n jia yii. a bit funny. then they started drawing on my arm n then on my pants! thats another addition to the various marks on my pants that i cant get out of my uniform. sigh. then subsequently i got one on my head. like wth pain. and then when i did the same to the person, i never had peace after that. chang yong went on a whacking spree to hit me. n germaine had her parents comment on it as though i didnt have enough ppl alr telling me i was a bad influence. sorry anyways for snapping.

then went to makan at macs at tp. been a while since i had macs breakfast. (: then i went all over the place with you. haha. walked quite a bit, even entered a library. talked somemore n then followed yahui to bishan n waited for her dental to finish before going again on another escapade in a library n subsequently at the side. talked a lot till i finally saw things clear.

hope you forgive me. though you dont have a reason to. im here if you need someone to vent on. you are never a burden, so please dont stress yourself out for the exams n bottle things in if you cant take it.
you may be fighting this alone, but know that im here beside you if you need me.
sorry. ill be here even as a friend to catch every tear. so please dont cry.

Angelus blogged at 7:08 PM

i'm doing this quiz from anna's blog and i'm supposed to name ten weird habits/facts about myself, and then tag six people to do it too, not including her. i tag everyone who sees this entry. haha. okay, so here goes.



1) i love old rock and rold songs. im a damn oldies person.



2) im a pyromaniac.



3) i got acute rheumatism



4) i can crack my wrist continuously



5) ive never gotten drunk b4 though i drink a lot



6) i think pink is so gay and shouldnt be on a guy



7) i roll off my bed all the time ( so i sleep on it n wake up on the floor)



8) i got a scar on my right heel that is due to a very scary story.



9) i bake cakes n cookies n biscuits n brownies when i got time



10) i used to be afraid of clowns.



yepp thats it.

Angelus blogged at 10:14 PM

(too lazy to add colour combi)
today was one rainy day man.
woke up kind of late for bio lecture today and completely missed it cause i reached school at nine. had the doughnuts as well as the chocolates from the wedding. awesome stuff. then i went to makan with chang yong n iqbal. dunno where a certain someone disappeared to. lol. had bio prac with the tadpole. interesting.

after prac watched mark's skit for god knows what reason. haha. then i went to watch dead silence with rachel, rosheni, tim and milu. the show was the SEKS. haha yes it was scary enough and nice to watch. so yeah. oh and then i went back home n slept dreamt of Mary Shaw. haha. not the most prettiest person to dream of but yeah it was the moment. lol. so cool. now i gotta check the backs of people and make sure they arent dead yet.

yupp so tht was my day so far.

the trip was surprisingly damn nice. I had loads of fun. the drinks the dancing and the food. it felt weird cause at every function i had you there on the dance floor with me. but then this was the first function without you there so it felt strangely sad. nvm still got wedding in december to go for. (: i hd so much fun. felt so good to let loose away from hectic lifestyle. now im back and my sources of comfort is slowly going through selfishness. rachel asked me today... " why are you so nice? " i never replied but here it is " it may one day just go away, so savour it now cause once lost i dont think it wil come back. "

i heard this song on the radio by a1. chorus said:

got one foot out the door,
I don’t wanna hear ‘bout him no more
I’ll make a long story short,
Time to make up your mind girl
No more back and forth,
I don’t wanna hear ‘bout him no more
If I’m not what you want,
I don’t wanna hear no more.

yupp. nice song.

anyways the exams are approachin like a torpedo. fuck i cant dodge it. NO! haha. two weeks to fasting for the muslim. yay bazaar.sorry iqbal but im looking forward to it.

lets face simple truths again. my post loves doing that.
i missed you. thought abt you when i was away.
im not afraid to type this out.
not afraid to let you know it
im not afraid to tell you i love you.
im not afraid to show my care for you and look after you.
im definitely not ashamed to be with you no matter what people say.
what im afraid of is... its not the same with you.

so its true la. no reassurance means you fear saying it out?
want to chill out one of these days with you but maybe you wouldnt want to.
i dont know whether you still feel the way you did a month ago.
you are either hiding it or lost it. either ways the feelings sucks.
chance given or chance hidden?
i love you. thats all i want to say. i want you to know.
will you ever say the same? will you ever tell me you care?
will you tell me once again tat you love me?
or will you just never say it again.

pawn takes two steps forward
if u know this refered to you. will you not ignore it and say something positive please!!! hanging in limbo sucks.
whisper it in my ears that you still care or just tell me upfront its over for us. this hiding.. not fun. haha.

Angelus blogged at 7:43 PM