Friday, November 30, 2007
i know this is hard to say without you thinkin it in any wrong way. so ill just say it anyways cause i got faith in you once again to not think too deeply into this.
i know its hard to see it now. life aint fair, it never is. we go through it hoping that it goes easy on us. im sorry that you had to find out this ways. but let me tell you something. something i think you already know but just need reminding off....
i admire you cause i see a part of you that reflects who i am sometimes. you try and please the whole world just like how i sometimes try. what hurts me the most is to ever see someone i care for get hurt.
you mean a lot to me n thats why i hate it the most. you have a life apart from that of school or NYAA. you try and juggle it n yet people demand so much from you. all i can say to you right now is to look at it from a different perspective. your siblings no matter how annoying they are will NEVER be able to repay you. its a fact! but what you do get in return is knowing that you at least looked after them despite their ungratefulness. its not much to hang on to but at least something. you did not conform to hatred or selfishness. n that is what matters the most. always do what matters the most.
secondly, abt projects being a bitch to you.... at least you get to meet all different types of people in life. the ones that can handle the pressure of a leader n still be concerned n those that cant. you are just a pawn in a learning stone to someone who has yet to learn the meaning of being a friend. or how hopeless a leader he is (:
im sorry its hard on you but sometimes you being a pawn is essential to jackasses like him finally realising what he is doing. how? not by arguing with him. if he really treats you unfairly im sure your hurt will be felt by those that actually DO care abt you. n they will voice it out. u cant possibly ignore the thunderous cries of injustice that comes abt from the people who love you. just bear with it for now. trust those that you know has your back. im hopin you trust me.
dont think that it troubles us. cause that is what friends are for. we are here to look out for each other n protect each other. so please learn to trust n actually look on the bright side of those you have. for me.. even if i only got that one miserable friend having my back... that is enough to bring me comfort. im being understood by someone who can see my pain. someone actually is there to catch me when i fall. rmb these things when shit happens.
lastly.. dont look down on yourself so much. look for learning points in this. if life throws you lemons... make vodka lemon lime n give ryan to drink. haha. you are only human so its natural for you to feel like shit when things like this happen. but this only really does makes you stronger.
i really am proud that you never once swore at him. im proud of you that you tried to resolve things. im proud you actually did turn to those who love you. im proud of you for looking after your siblings though they dont. im proud u dont demand as much from your parents as they do. im proud lastly to have known you cause knowing a person who does all this makes me proud that i did fall for you once before. rmb the chain..
your angel will always watch you no matter, it doesnt trouble me cause honestly watchin over someone like you makes me proud to have accomplished something.
hope that helped you cause i think its high time u are reminded of it.
Angelus blogged at 12:24 AM
Thursday, November 29, 2007
havent blogged in a while. been at work.
i wonder whether the day would come that you actually treat me like im human too. that i too get affected and i too dont want people saying such stuff. u keep making me sound like i encourage stuff like this. im not some ass that wants people to think such stuff abt me.
u cant accept me even as a friend. no wonder you are so much more affected than i am. cause i actually believed that as friends we would accept n trust each other n to hell with what others say. unfortunately, u dont. you care more abt others opinion than the feelings of a friend. a friend that can bear with the SAME EXACT treatment as you do n yet put up with it cause he doesnt care. that seems more important to him than his self image in front of strangers that barely known him for a month.
i guess it hurts more that after all this, i actually thought that you would be somewhat a bit grateful for me accompanying you tonight. turns out, i ended up being the one that screws up your self image. im sorry.
i want you to scold me if u dont agree with what i say here.
Angelus blogged at 12:57 AM
Sunday, November 25, 2007
im annoyed at you. or maybe at myself. i dont really know.
never expected you to take it that way. walau eh. of all the times you emo on me, when i do that you make me sound like that. bleah. somehow it was something i thought of sharing with you. my thoughts n such. but yet your reaction made me think that you should have just forgotten what i said.
alright i guess i am gettin pissed of over nothing. im just annoyed that you thought that way thats all. cause im so not some attention craving meh meh la. just thought of confiding in someone who somehow turned out to think badly of me. its like what michelle said " i seem so much easier to handle when i bottle everything "
anyways i did closing today at work, it was pretty cool. sneaked in the kitchen and ate the food while the chefs all were gone. ajie was really funny. took a cab back with him n dropped him off at lau pasat. i was so tired that i fell asleep in the cab till i reached my house.
tmr working as well. goodnight
Angelus blogged at 1:29 AM
Friday, November 23, 2007
i regret it. i really do. i regret it and no one can/has reassure me that i shouldnt. no one can reassure me that i still got hope. i had my reasons of it.
i wish it were different. yes im still human. i dont understand why it has to be this way. feeling pretty flawed in every way possible.
oh the chalet was a fun experience. hope everyone enjoyed it n had a good time. well its over now. that means one thing n my head.
i cant believe u can kid yourself that way. thats so sucky la.
Angelus blogged at 5:36 PM
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
 EXPLOSION!!!!!!! kk. im done now. to my blog..... sorry. haha always good to add a haha.
Angelus blogged at 10:17 AM
yes its still flowing but shant say it cause it just isnt the right plae nor time. keep it in. will say it once this is all over. why anger has to flow is cause i finally am relying on a few people n its mazing how their responses are to it sometimes. think one would become more tired after seeking help. strange eh?
oh well... thanks hygin for the hook up. n chalet today. i suspoect something. lol.
Angelus blogged at 9:13 AM
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
glad u enjoyed.. hello blog, today was a pretty interesting day. although i woke up pretty early, i still had energy to last me till now. amazing huh?
haha well the morning started off pretty mundane. same old same old. did a few chores and had lunch while waiting for yahui to reply whether we were still ons for dinner.
i doubted we were gonna go, but turned out eitherwise n we met up at beauty world to play pool for a while. after which at abt 8 we made our way to petes place at hyatt hotel.
dinner was nice n we ate and ate till we were pretty bloated man. so bloated that we could hardly walk properly after that. we spent abt two and a half hours there b4 taking a stroll along orchard road to see the lights while we made our way to cineleisure to watch beowulf at 1130. pretty average movie i guess. funny at times though i fell asleep at one part. haha.
after that we took a walk to centrepoint b4 taking a cab. i dropped yahui off b4 heading home myself n now im here. hahaha
i must say i had a few thoughts that ran in my head today as the days went by. here are a few,
*i missed the times where we had something going on and it used to be exciting just sayin something sweet to the other. haha hardly happens now huh. lol oh well
*i kinda wished my knees were fine n A-ok cause the weather was killing me.
*i know that there is never gonna be anything btwn us but yet part of me just wants to know the feeling of holding your hand n holding you in my arms. one of my one few wishes is to spend a wonderful moment just to savour a feeling.
*i havent had mee soto in a while.
yupp those are the few thoughts that ran through my mind today. interesting eh?? thought so haha. 180(:
i hope you had an awesome night as well. we should do this again someday. it was fun eh? lol.
hmmm... wondering if i should post this. ah heck la. ill just do it anyways. i trust you. haha.
worth it.
Angelus blogged at 2:30 AM
Saturday, November 17, 2007
woke up in a horrid mood. the world just didn't like me today as everything kept going wrong. sigh then i went to work and felt slightly better though i still feel very bleah-ish.
welcome back to all mawai people. next top is chalet, for those who rmb that is. haha. this post shall be a short one cause im LAZY. haha. so yeah.
mouse chases cat?? hahaha. now that is topsy turvy.
Angelus blogged at 11:11 PM
Friday, November 16, 2007
well today was pretty alright. i woke up in the morning and went for training. coach seems to know how to tire us out in the many different ways man. haha. after trainin i went over to eugenes house to slack while waitin for hygin n jer to come. i fell asleep while jerlyn walked in... n we talked a lot of rubbish, haha yes meet jerlyn! the one with the bisexual boyfriend. haha. so sad. n yet she is suppose to be the one who dreamed of the typical boyfriends that she watches on tv.
an odd world it is.
n then hygin bought lunch and we went to play pool at beauty world while continuing to talk till like jerlyn had to go. after she left it became even more retarded with the three of us. oh yeah buddha came a long as well. lol. yeah and then we sat at macs while talkin n reminiscing abt sji. headed home (eugene home) afer that while hygin n buddha went home. after a while i too left for my real home. spoke to hygin on the way home abt stuff on the phone.
NOW im back to being bored at home. sigh.....
im not gonna lie and say i didnt once think abt how you were. dunno if you would have done the same. even if u did, dont think you would tell me anyways. oh well.
Angelus blogged at 10:16 PM
Thursday, November 15, 2007
i wish i had a choice. i wish i had control.
something tells me u hate it when u aint receivin the attention you are suppose to get. or rather one that you thing you are suppose to get. yes im referring to the same person who until now has not realised that this blog post is abt her at all. you are beyond words. you only seem to have fun when people wait on you hand and foot. thats why you didnt enjoy yourself as much the last time we met. sadly now you begin to suspect tt it may be you. but i vow now that im not gg to say who this post refers to even to those who it doesnt. why? cause i know you would try and fish out of others, though you are damn sure it doesnt refer to you. paranoia creeping in? i thought so... haha. well of course those that cfm knew that it didnt refer to them the last time would pretty much live in security. some may even live in knowledge. knowledge of the person i refer to n yet this person so blindly is dilusioned to think its not.
oh and another thing, ill see you at the chalet as you promised. but dont be too sure you would have my protection from others at all times. cause frankly, u seem to think you are fine with the way you shoot your mouth abt some of us. im upset now not cause of something that happened. im upset of the image i was painted in.
today was actually pretty fun. i went out with rosh n rach after rosheni supp paper n spent abt two hours in kfc talkin shit and just insultin each other. pretty good eh? yeah and after that i watched the two literally kick each others asses on the way to p.s. pretty funny sight cause they looked like a bunch of pri school kids. who in broad daylight would be attemptin to kick each others asses in the middle of orchard?
yeah n then i took a bus back n slept to my hearts desire. oh not b4 eating a whole chocolate cake. so yummy. watched samurai x n played darts with my dad. now as bored as always.
just wondering whether i should think abt what i want for a change. just this once.
Angelus blogged at 11:01 PM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
yes hygin n eugene as i said earlier that is what ive been feeling lately. need that wake up call i suppose but nothing seems to be cheering me up. then again.... the feeling of maybe thats all im suppose to be to ppl. nothing more than what they say i am.
oh well.
Angelus blogged at 12:19 AM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
ftfoi
ytd was pretty ok. congrats to chang yong for managing to retain. you better do well as promised or else you know whats coming to you.
then walked from far east to city hall to meet yahui for interview at Hogs Breath. i think we clinched it.
nothing much to say abt it. haha. interesting things discussed yesterday. the weirdo chasing eh? lol. shall touch on something more depth again.
i last talked about the pursue of self glory. those that chase it, those who have given up n those that don't bother. lets not look closely at the thoughts that runs in the minds of the "fools" aka those that dont bother.
we assume this person is a he to help in my typing alright.
he(the person that doesn't bother) did not naturally think this way. much like those who has given up, they once had the desire to chase self glory. but soon realises that it leads to heartache when disappointed. then again the feeling of being let down is always a heartache eh?
so he would not bother cause he hopes that a person would soon realise what matters the most and That, on top of her awesome personality, would capture his attention. the fact that she notices character b4 the prized three. yes that is what matters the most to him. sadly the real world is far from ideal. the real world states that this guys must be really dumb. cause hardly anyone would go for such a thing. its human nature to crave the prized three. then does that make him inhuman? sadly yes n no. he does not chase to bag the prized three but then again not ignoring it. Yes this guy isn't foolish. he knows beauty when he sees it and definitely is captivated. he knows fame when it struts by n he acknowledges it. n he definitely sees wealth when it grazes past and surely admires it.
for he is still human. the thing that differs is he does not let it affect him. the beauty simply captivates, the fame is noticed and wealth in only ever admired. but nevertheless he would stick in seeking for the perfect girl who has the best personality though society thinks it is not the "perfect" couple. your natural response to the guy must be either "what an idiot" or "wow, what a guy." but sadly when the guy does find someone who he loves for personality (not to mention the prized three is also evident) the girl turns him down for HE does not posses the prized three or rather there are better suitors for her to be proud of in the pool. no its not the swimming pool la. haha.
so then most of the time this guys would then react to increase his prized three. BUT then there are some times when the guy doesn't bother. he sticks by his original beliefs for he knows that it was THIS belief that got him an awesome relationship for two years. it is this sort of belief that makes the relationship less superficial and any problem that comes along becomes so much easier to deal with cause it reflects the maturity of two parties.
now sadly this is the part where you think. :P in todays world, most girls would look for the prized three and this often results in screwed up relationships yes? so how does this guy ever find the girl he looks for? haha that my friends is the general feeling he has each day that he would never find love. and as days passes more issues such as colour n ideology plays in his sad life. its times like this that iqbal whips out a violin and plays serenating music to his sad life. but there are always finer things he would try to look to. each day hoping that a girl in todays society would take a leap out of the norm. to like him for his character n not for the prized three. sometimes he makes a mistake to love someone who doesn't and when she soon realises that he is no more famous, wealthy or beautiful so lets him go. thinking that there must be a better person. so now this guy is crushed and each day hopes that that girl would grow up and like him again for who he is. but yet hope is all he hangs on to yes?
this passage was in the point of view of a guy but im sure some girls can relate as well. just that its rare. girls hardly look for that guy that has a good character. they want the best catch or rather a catch worth being proud of. so guys out there that chase self glory ( haha joe ) you are the ones who are pretty much safe. for those who have given up.. sadly your burning pursuit has yet to be worn out. N for those who are like the guy stated above, hang on to hope. that girl may one day come by or for those who already have a girl... maybe she will notice you. but remember its hope. n hope alone for you are doing the right way.
even if it means never getting the life you dreamed of. yupp here ends an insight i have to life. hope some enjoyed.
there was a reason for asking... cause the likelihood is there. we will see how much things have changed soon. whether hope still exists in life. chance and risk without thinking. lol. that sometimes may get you somewhere.
(: alright thats all for now.
Angelus blogged at 1:09 PM
Thursday, November 8, 2007
haha. alright. the day went by. damn boring. won the fight against natoon. hope he doesnt kacau my fights anymore. not feeling too good. dunno why also.
ill just pick it up from joanne here.
4 5639 968 96853618 7877678 63 3766 843 234466464.
haha pretty lame but yeah thats the only thing i somehow was lookin for. life shift. someone told me a the start of the year she was a shape shifter. i think i know why now.
Angelus blogged at 10:49 PM
wah damn tired is i. dunno why also. just been feeling lazy!
the world is a battle for self glory and there are the few who give up on tht battle, pursue it n those that just dont feel the need to.
sadly in the world the majority goes to those who pursue it. n more often than not those that given up on that battle are those that have been oppressed though a secret hidden desire still burns in their soul.
makes you stop n think of who you are n in which category u stand. of course most of us would like to kid ourselves and say that we are those that dont feel the need to pusue self glory. yeah right. kid yourselves not for if you really take a look back n think of all the actions you have done, you have at one point of time in your life had the urge to pursue it.
that is why the grp is simply a minority or maybe practically non existent.
the world was created to be this way. best you know where you stand. n though this post may seem crititcal towards those that pursue self glory... some may argue it aint all that bad. or even foolish not to.
well bottomline im tryin to imply is that the battle to self glory is no easy one, people will get hurt. thank god for katira that reminds us of the finer things in life.
to all those who claim its foolish, i agree. just that sometimes the fool does the right but harder thing. oh wells.
Angelus blogged at 4:00 PM
there was this boy. n the boy was named jack. n jack went up to iqbal n threw himself on iqbal. iqbal was stunned. the boy walked away n all of iqbal's friends laugh cause he kena jack.
Happy Diwali to all.
u lied to me n dont ask me how i know!
Angelus blogged at 12:30 PM
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
ok this is simply a point to note.
i shan't play it cause i saw something i didn't need to know today. and what i saw just ended an impression. i don't want to say anything to anyone cause basically its hard to believe it. and frankly i have never been nor intend to be someone to bad mouth someone else. unless of course i'm really annoyed. yeah so prevent anything i shall quit playing cause people are getting irritated for nothing.
and also another point to add is i dont quite get what i did for you to say something like that. dude its just a game. n u know what, i bet someone is gonna ask u to read this. for that someone has your back. precisely why im blogging it here and not telling that person what i feel.cause i dont want to bad mouth you and she probably say i'm being paranoid. being a hippo i guess. haha.
n the chickens flew over my head again. n the first thing that i thought was that those chickens can really fly high.
Angelus blogged at 4:50 PM
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
this is where we go our separate ways. once fought back to back now not seeing eye to eye. if it were a matter of friends its understood.. but for the simple spite to not see me to great heights?
sad. just sad. thankfully its all virtual.
todays trainin was murderous. after that i swear i was sleepin while playing pool. cant rmb a few parts of the pool game that i was playin. may have fallen asleep on the table. lol.
then came home n knocked out flat. shall blog more later when i come back from the airport
Angelus blogged at 8:06 PM
alright two fights gone both won. haha. oh well.. turns out for the fight yahui vs joanne, i didnt support anyone. LOL though i did act as last killer for yahui in the account govindasamy. supposed to kill all of joannes jumpers as well but oh well she didnt have any last jumpers so yea, not needed as milu n natoon jumped to yahuis rescue. haha.
yeah got trainin tmr. sigh oh well.
i dont think it was neccessary to begin with.
haha. oh yeah b4 i forget, such assumptions can make u seem more foolish.
Angelus blogged at 12:48 AM
Saturday, November 3, 2007
joe!
i forgot to add this. dont you dare ask that during the chalet. i beg you not to.
Angelus blogged at 11:21 PM
haha. this goes out to you. you were so damn sure that it wasnt referring to you. so sure it was someone else. but i knew better yet didnt want to kill your "self assurance". so blinded that it was more than just ignorance. it was simply..... arrogance n pride. yea thats what you have i suppose, too much pride.
though you dont look fat on the outside, you are very much thick skinned. haha. yes im talkin abt you. yet i bet you dont even know its referrin to you. why do i say this? cause you think we are beneath you by the way we act. yeah im sure your laws are the one that defines it eh? precisely why thick skinned. yet for someone who demands superiority, you are pretty much dumb. yes dumb n yet some dumb ppl can actually pull it off. you on the other hand, you dont hide your ignorance which makes your character simply an empty vessel that makes the most noise.
haha you know if i told you this straight out.. your ego would go beneath you. way down to the ground. whereby iqbal comes running in with a caveman outfit n stomps on it to the dirt. haha. yes thats why its being blogged here. cause im nice. yes rosheni i am nice!
so what makes me so certain you wont read this n think its you? cause haha, to be quite honest, your high self value you give yourself wouldnt permit you to think its you. n even if you suspected it, you wouldnt come up to me n ask me, you probably secretly scout around behind my back n find out whether it truly refers to you. haha. such toyance. sounds evil? nah this is as nice as it gets.
make it known that i find this extremely funny n that the respect you give us/me is much lower than that i give you. so be thankful alright. best let it be n not think its you. your life seems happier that way eh?
oh btw if you are wondering... its a two way street here (:
Angelus blogged at 10:53 PM
Friday, November 2, 2007
to rachel n rosheni who say my blog is so damn emo. its much more happier alright? weeeee. halloween went by n for the first time i didnt do anything this year. odd feeling.
what else is new, the tortoise and you have made friends.
Angelus blogged at 9:29 PM
haha i finally reached home.
okay man. today i woke up to a wonderful message from germaine askin me if my grandfather was so and so at fuckin 6 in the mornign. haha. so after chucking my phone aside, i went back to sleep till i woke up at 7 n went a small jog.
talked to joanne b4 heading to joes bday surprise thing. firstmet up with rosh n iqbal n tim n germs in school n then made my way to p.s. where we surprised him. smashed ice cream and all. n then met up with yahui n rachel to play pool. played pool with jo,joe,tim n yahui while rosh n rach went somewhere. didnt qute get it then but was too tired to ask.
then rachel suddenly calls pleading for sanity n i realise what she did. ahahahaha. after pool i went back with yahui on a train while i called rachel to check up on her n found out she needed a rescue team sent in. so yeah i went there n sent iqbals special agents to get her out(cab to bukit panjang) where i met her for a few drinks. then rosh finally came over n we drank n talked n she screamed cause of flies.
after that we went back to my place to get rusty where rosheni decides to make out with him. haha. at least my dog has good taste but still.... a leetle but weird ah?
yeah then i waited for rosh n rach to get in a cab each n paid for their fares. n now i am online talkin shit.
sigh.. what on earth goes on in the heads of ppl sometimes ah.. haha.
Angelus blogged at 12:37 AM
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EXPLOSION!!!!!!!