Thursday, November 12, 2009
scared.
lost. clueless. scared.
this blog is turning a lil emo.
urgh.... what the fuck do i have to do to know for sure. i rather know now. the anxiety is killing me.
Angelus blogged at 3:40 PM
Saturday, November 7, 2009
as of now.....
one month, 12 days.
one month and tweleve days left in OCS. seems like a short time but a lot can happen. lets hope nothing does happen.
an update on the love scene. stagnant as always. im not sure whether there will be anything left after this one month 12 days. i really dont. cause ill know in two weeks whether ive made it. whether im worthy of commissioning. cause after two weeks there is nothing other than discipline and integrity that they will kick you out for. so till then. i got my work cut out for me. to stay in the course. im going to commission silently. no big scene on that day.
why?
cause its taken out a lot from me already. too many personal sacrifices on my part in my opinion. lost myself these past two years. i was better in j1. i was fun i had life. i had youth. i w ant it back.
time to change things.
Angelus blogged at 9:28 AM
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
argh!!!! i cant take this bullshit anymore. i wish the next three months go by in a sec. 9months have gone by. shouldnt i be used to this? shouldnt i be ok with just another 3 more months? but im not. i dont know how to explain it. everyone seems ok with it. im not. having a taste of freedom these past 4 days was like oxgen to a suffocating victim. so luxurious. so much time to help others with their work, catch up with people who i lost contact with, do things i havent done in so long. n yet it was not enough. i still havent caught up with randall, tim, aerin, yahui, joe, iqbal, rachel, annabelle, jolenta. wish church would be how it was like last time. wish school was still the same for me. with joe n iqbal to have fun with n the church people to make me feel like i have a sense if purpose. sigh it felt soooo good.
i want to stop. i dont want to tahan another 3 months. i wanna give up now. wtf is wrong with me right? so close to the end n i want it all to end right now. no patience. why? maybe its because im questioning the benefits that are supposedly gg to be present when i commision. is it really better life? is it really slack? lets face it.. im in it not enitrely for the pride n the will to lead. i have it in me yes.. but im just like any other guy who is motivated by the claims that life is so much better after that. i hope it is. for i cant take another year of this nonsense. im not an army person. i love to teach. i love education. i love the idea of a free social life. i love to be in control of my life. i pray i get posted back to ocs though. its just like teaching all over again. i rather teach n inspire. well lets see...
boook in. cb. 3months. 3fucking months more. suck thumb n just bite the bullet. ill see u at the end.
Angelus blogged at 2:31 PM
Thursday, March 12, 2009
the life of a trained soldier.
ever wondered why life throws shit at you and tired of hearing the bullshit that everyting happens for a reason?
well reality is that life sucks and more often that it happens at random. we say that it happens for a reason to make it sound better. but truth is life is a bitch. you dont need all this nonsense springing up in your life just when things are settling down. or perhaps springing up when things havent even settled down. but the consolation to things is that life provided the oxygen to its suffocating character. it provided us friends and family around. you cant possibly tell me that an orphan has no one in the world when the world is filled with millions n billions. even a beggar on the streets would have met other beggars or someone tht just stops by to say hi. its only those who are not happy with the amount oxygen they are given that curse life n sometimes end it.
so then think abt it carefully... if life gave us friends n family around to help us thru the bullshit that it gives us, have we ever thought of being the oxygen to someone else? its true that not eeryone is a perfect match sometimes to help another havinga problem. but there is always someone there. maybe this time you may not be the best solution that happens to someone feeling emo. perhaps in the future you may be. having said this, id like to thank everyone that helped me thru bmtc in ninja coy. life was shit there but the people i talked to n had made it bearable. my my upcoming army life be as smooth as id hope n if it isnt,... may it be bearable for me to find the right amount of oxygen to pull thru.
peace out
Angelus blogged at 12:10 AM
Monday, January 26, 2009
ninja company
remember when i was just thirteen. so peaceful. a rebel in school. top five in the class of very stupid people. was in judo training. didnt go any legion meetings. wtf.. orientation. campfire. 1e11. hygin, jared, ravin, ian, mark, randall. the people you knew life was never gonna be the same without. then moving on to sec 3. the best class you could ever get. you meet and finally realise who your true friends are. i met the two people who when i first saw, i never thought would be with me right up till cny on the year im serving ns.
now im serving ns. im a soldier. no longer the boy i could be. no longer the small boy that fights for everyone . im the soldier that leaves no man behind. its this time you look back at the time you spent with your friends and family. so much has changed. im no longer a boy. legally an adult.
this blog was started when i was on j1. i had one before this. amazing. such a child thing to be doing. bloggin. wtf.
im just wondering what happens in the next 4years. i would be out of ns. getting a carrer. maybe seein eugene off for his honeymoon. probably hygin is engaged to ze dong. me? i really dont know. well till next time......
Angelus blogged at 7:26 PM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
i dont wanna know....
hey people, i would just like to say that the prelims just showed us how prepared we are for Alevels. it doesnt show how stupid we are. so for a certain someone who feels like a loser cause she cant do her work.. dont be. you stil got time.
on the other hand, im bummed out by chem and econs. but hey i got 8 weeks to work on it.
oh and hygin can you please help me with my chem. i implore your help man. cause i need a B at least for Alevels. B at LEAST. please dude.
ad your econs as well...
Angelus blogged at 10:46 PM
Saturday, September 6, 2008
this is just a lil something i think a few of my friend needs to see.
we all claim that the world is cruel and hence we do not care and love others like how we would want others to love and care for us. this is a story i think that many people could use. It highlights the very love that could, should or would inspire us to love just as that of the father in the story has...
and for a certain two people in my life... quis custodes ipsos custodiet. ill do the exact thing in the video for you guys no matter what. this post is dedicated to you two for being there with me even during these two years.
A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a> marathon with me?'.
The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'.
They went on to complete the marathon together.
Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together.
One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'
To which, his father said
'Yes' too.
For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever.
The race encompasses three endurance events of
- a 3.86 kilometer ocean swim,
- followed by a 180.2 kilometer bike ride
- and ending with a 42.195 kilometer marathon along the coast of the Big Island .
Father and son went on to complete the race together.
This is the race....
to all i know, nothing is stronger than caring and loving someone even id its a complete stranger. the world needs this kind of love..
there is a quote that im not too sure of but it summarised as this:
id like to leave the world knowing that its a better place than when i was born, even if its just a grass grown. for that is what defines my success.
Angelus blogged at 1:30 PM
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