Angel in your Eyes

2010-11-27T15:48:00.002+08:00

Hook
Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6

5th COMPANY OWNS!!!

I have officially legacied! yes thats a new word. 5th Company. the newest company in BMTC is now known to be THE best company in BMTC.

Many generations will come and go. Many more will enlist. Many more will be privileged to train those in 5th Company. And let it be known to the many, that I was the pioneer 2nd in Command (2IC) of said company.

When people talk and mention the 2IC that trained them the hardest, that set the benchmark for other companies to follow and that kicked ass so hard, let it be known that it was me. I dedicate this also to my kickass OC.

I feel proud to know that I have left big shoes to fill.To all those upcoming 2IC of 5th Company. Remember that the only easy day was really yesterday. Woots!

peace out

2010-10-21T13:03:00.002+08:00

you know i know how...
to make em stop and stare as i zone out.

finally the freedom of being a civilian is within my grasp. the smell of a pink IC is looming. but i must say I'm gonna miss my army life with 5th company. its been great. and I'm starting to write a list of things i gotta do before university starts.

and its nice to finally see all my friends again. it has been great catching up. this is the break after A levels i missed out on. hahaha oh well.. what done can't be changed. lets move forward.

here is a short story:

there was a boy. this boy lived his whole life trying to find his purpose in the world. he soon believe that his purpose was to be there for others. but all that changed when constantly, the others kept letting him down. he faced much disappointment whenever he put his faith in relying on others just like how he let other rely on him.

but then something weird happened one day. he met this other person. mesmerized by the personality he became close friends with this person. same sequence of events followed. he was there whenever this person needed him. and then strangest thing happened. he found out that he could rely on this person too. it was amazing.and this became his purpose.

and though there has been fights and arguments, the boy knew one thing. on top of great looks and personality, this person whom he could rely on whenever he was down in the dumps was not worth letting go. and the more time passed by, the more the boy knew that god sent an angel down for him.

it didn't matter that the two were very different in terms of habits and likes. it didn't matter if the two had lived different lifestyles. compatibility wasn't about how much they were alike.. but rather how happy they made each other feel.

till this day, despite the person knowing the good, bad, ugly and the sexy of this boy, their friendship has not broken. for the person was perfect with all the imperfections. the person was sweet through all of life's sour moments. the person was there when no one else seemed to be around.

the boy knew. that the girl whom he sat next to in J.C. was the person whom his heart could never let go.

the end.

2010-09-04T14:51:00.002+08:00

im still alive but im barely breathing,
just prayed to a god that i dont believe in.
while i got time, you got freedom
cause when a heart breaks no it dont breakeven...

what am i suppose to do when the best part of me was always you.
what am i suppose to say when im choked up and you are ok.
im falling to pieces...

for all the time that we went through, its amazing how you have finally lost/ gave up hope on us. 2.5yrs of sweetness (well so i was to me) was enough to keep me going. knowing i would find no one better out there, i never wanted to let you go. yes in those tough times and those stupid mistakes it seemed like i wanted out. but never once did i ever seriously consider it.

but you,
you have given up. and im walking away.
if im your sunshine,
if im there to make you smile,
if im there to make you laugh,
if im there when times are tough,
if im there when you feeling scared,
if im there when you are feeling alone,
if im there when you are lost,
if i look after you like no one else can,
if i am the best and there is no one else better out there for you,
if i am everything you love in a guy....

then whats there to think about? whats there to know? after 2.5yrs you have lost sight of what your are fighting for. if this was a 6month relationship, i'd understand. but its not. its a 2.5yrs relationship. how can you say you dont know if you would simply be getting used to me? does that mean that all this while, you were simply just getting used to me? that this 2.5yrs relationship was a lie? that you were not exactly happy or wake up happy? that you simply just adapted for the sake of it?

cause it wasnt like that for me. it was the happiest times in my life. and thru the mistakes/fights/ troubles we faced.. all the happy moments were always worth fighting for. its only been less than 2months. whats that compared to my 30 months. or compared to a lifetime of more.

well whats done is done. its all over and all i can have now is memories of that magical relationship we had.

thank you.
always love you.

ryan

2010-07-27T16:56:00.003+08:00

new batch! fresh meat!

in approx 48hrs, fresh meat will enter. ah cant wait.. the feeling of the last batch before my granted freedom.

it honestly feels like the two years didnt happen. felt like it was only a couple of months perhaps that i was doing my alevels and just enlisted. but it has been TWO YEARS!

this next 5months are simply gonna be the best for me. im going to make this batch rock my socks and give it my best. i tend to want to end each stage of my life with a BANG.

it seems appropriate to thanks and give testimony to a couple of people along the way these past two years. funny how only some may ever see this.
in no particular order of preference, here goes.

rosheni: thank you so much for putting up with my nonsense/anger/depression for the past 3yrs. honestly the army would have been a terrible experience if i didnt have you in it. still can remember the day i enlisted, how painful it was to have to not be with you. n your journal that kept me going! and during OCS when you visited and spend the many weekends just watching me sleep and complain. making my 19th birthday so freaking awesome and attending all my social events.in fact.. you hae done so much in the past two years! even when im BMT as a PC/2IC. you gave me a house to crash every day. the food in your house.. woaH! well i do hope you will be there in the next 20yrs as i embark in a whole new stage in my life. i promise ill be there no matter what happens from now on in our friendship.

hygin: this one is a tough one. where to begin sia. you have been there in everything possible. any up or down you are there. i could have thought of no better best friends to have than you and eugene. you never fail to check up on how i was. and i am honestly very happy for your uni place in UCL. i might have been a bit sour to not have you around but i stand corrected. iys not like you itll make a major difference in our friendship seeing that we have always been the sort to keep in contact thru texting and msn. just hope the distance doesnt make me "forget how to talk to you". hahahahha..inside joke

eugene: bro you too have been there nearly every step of the way. though you are busy with your shit and all, you always remember to keep in contact. you always have the best and most rational advice to give. sometimes the advice that i just dont wanna hear but its for my owwn good. thanks for running parallel with me in terms or army experiences. i will always look up to someone like you, the fighting spirit to push on in life and not be held back by whatever shit happens.

iqbal and josep goh: you two have been the most recent addition to the society of "wtf bros". always doing the craziest things and talkin abt the most random of things everytime i meet up with any one of you guys. its a pity that JC was only two years. for joe, we gonna rock the FOS in NUS at make them go OMG WTF. LOL. for iqbal there will always be a time to fuckacina in every stressful situation in life.

bernice: you have no idea girl, but thanks for that day. it really helped me sort out my priorities in life. back to church is the next mission in life.

yahui: hey girl, thank you so much for meeting up with me every chance we could the past couple of months. it has been a joy reliving the moments where we were in school was such a waste that we grew apart for quite sometime. well im not letting that happen again. hope this friendship grows. i can safely say that i know you better than 90% of the people in your life. so you can always turn to me whenever in doubt or facing problems. just like how i turned to you. thanks for intorducing me to places in singapore that many people dont know about. its like our life can be telecasted in makansutra. hahahah

rachel: yes i got to give testimony to you.you reminded me of what person i can be. not the bastard but the one that is always there for his friends. made me realise all the people around me that would be there for me when shit hit the fence. so yeah, till someday somehow we are friends again. ill alaways be there when you need me.

khairi and aaron: thanks bro. ORD party soon k! you two were the only two that could ALWAYS make me laugh in OCS.great navigation team in JCC/wildcat/hunter.Cant wait for the two of you to come back from roving.

lindy: i miss you eh! you were there for me when me n ros broke up.eventhough you were many miles away.

sheni n preet: this is someone who deserves so much recognition for all her efforts in helping me expose the bastard that was dating ros. i give her two thumbs up for sister support when she looked out for ros ervery single time i asked her too, when i couldnt. and not to mention.. hang out to play games/club and drink every single random time.

well the list goes on.. but for now, this is it.

off to eat dinner!! nigga pls!

2010-07-25T15:42:00.001+08:00

2010-07-24T23:44:00.001+08:00

please forgive me, i cant stop loving you.

bryan adams.

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

always....

2010-07-14T12:04:00.002+08:00

if murder was legal, i would have killed by now.

2010-07-11T10:47:00.003+08:00

lovely sunday morning...

notice the random times where my blog suddenly springs to life and then as expected it would die for close to a year.

well fuck that.. i only blog when im free and really shitz bored. either that there is something worth blogging about.

i understand how it is difficult for you to understand what im thinking now. people might say its bias but i think otherwise. i am not being bias. in fact im not the only one who would give similar advices.

stop talking to this bunch. at least take a hiatus from them. why? cause they, in my eyes, have humiliated you and treated you as if you are a toy that can be easily fucked arnd and then simply be discarded when it wasnt fun anymore. havent you noticed it yourself? stop being in denial.. instant replying from someone who hardly replies. when shit hit the fence, back to radio silence.

over what reason??? he is busy? lets not go so far. how about the reason given for this whole thing to have happened in the first place. common understanding?? are you serious? no one has such a common understanding. if it was so common then why doesnt he just broadcast it to the rest.. why keep quiet abt it. the fact was, he knew it wasn't simply a common understanding. he was banking on you being naive enough to just be treated like this.

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I SAY HE IS A FIRST CLASS JERK.

yeah he may have been nice to you. and you felt secure and easy with him. but though that all might or might not have been a ploy from the start, it doesnt change how he is treating you now.

sigh wake up and see how pissed you should be with him instead of finding a reason to make this friendship work. shouldn't it be the other way? if two of your close friends dont think he is worth or has proven it, than why are you so determined to make it this work??

you know the funny thing abt blogs are you cant say what you want hoping that the intended person reads this. but the funnier thing abt this particular rant is.. all taht is said here, i have said to you before.

moving on....

now the atas people... spent a day with them and realised that it will take a lot of out of someone who is atas to fully comprehend the problems of the middle class. n thats sad, cause that makes the atas people sound like snobbish people when not all are. its just difficult.

gives the wrong idea to the atas people (not you of course, if you are reading this) that if he/she could help a problem of another atas person, then he/she is generally able to help the world. but there are some... these people, power la.

kk im gonna go for lunch. till another time this blog decides to speak,

adios

2010-07-04T01:06:00.003+08:00

its like a metal rod stabbed in my thigh. and any wrong move makes the current flow thru the metal rod surging the shock thru my body.

i hate this choice of sacrifice. but i dont wanna get hurt in the end. so should i walk while it isnt deep?

who am i? 3yrs back i would have cared less of what i wanted. always sacrificing for what others needed. but now... im not too sure.

2010-06-27T16:56:00.002+08:00

i know its tough. i dont wanna hurt anymore so i'm moving. i will truly wish you all the best. and maybe, just maybe 10yrs or so down the road... we will catch up and remember all the good times. but till then, i know its gonna be tough on you as its been for me.

just remember im always just a phone call/ text away whenever you need me. no strings attached.. you know me. i'l always be there if you ever need me. so dont hold back asking should you face something. and it will go back to this after. you can count on it.

as for now,.. do me this one favour and keep me posted on how you are each year. so i know you are stil alive and kickin. i guess thats not asking for too much. is it?

goodbye dear friend. for now. (:

2009-11-12T15:40:00.001+08:00

scared.

lost. clueless. scared.

this blog is turning a lil emo.

urgh.... what the fuck do i have to do to know for sure. i rather know now. the anxiety is killing me.

2009-11-07T09:28:00.002+08:00

as of now.....

one month, 12 days.

one month and tweleve days left in OCS. seems like a short time but a lot can happen. lets hope nothing does happen.

an update on the love scene. stagnant as always. im not sure whether there will be anything left after this one month 12 days. i really dont. cause ill know in two weeks whether ive made it. whether im worthy of commissioning. cause after two weeks there is nothing other than discipline and integrity that they will kick you out for. so till then. i got my work cut out for me. to stay in the course. im going to commission silently. no big scene on that day.

why?

cause its taken out a lot from me already. too many personal sacrifices on my part in my opinion. lost myself these past two years. i was better in j1. i was fun i had life. i had youth. i w ant it back.

time to change things.

2009-09-02T14:31:00.000+08:00

argh!!!! i cant take this bullshit anymore. i wish the next three months go by in a sec. 9months have gone by. shouldnt i be used to this? shouldnt i be ok with just another 3 more months? but im not. i dont know how to explain it. everyone seems ok with it. im not. having a taste of freedom these past 4 days was like oxgen to a suffocating victim. so luxurious. so much time to help others with their work, catch up with people who i lost contact with, do things i havent done in so long. n yet it was not enough. i still havent caught up with randall, tim, aerin, yahui, joe, iqbal, rachel, annabelle, jolenta. wish church would be how it was like last time. wish school was still the same for me. with joe n iqbal to have fun with n the church people to make me feel like i have a sense if purpose. sigh it felt soooo good.

i want to stop. i dont want to tahan another 3 months. i wanna give up now. wtf is wrong with me right? so close to the end n i want it all to end right now. no patience. why? maybe its because im questioning the benefits that are supposedly gg to be present when i commision. is it really better life? is it really slack? lets face it.. im in it not enitrely for the pride n the will to lead. i have it in me yes.. but im just like any other guy who is motivated by the claims that life is so much better after that. i hope it is. for i cant take another year of this nonsense. im not an army person. i love to teach. i love education. i love the idea of a free social life. i love to be in control of my life. i pray i get posted back to ocs though. its just like teaching all over again. i rather teach n inspire. well lets see...

boook in. cb. 3months. 3fucking months more. suck thumb n just bite the bullet. ill see u at the end.

2009-03-12T00:10:00.002+08:00

the life of a trained soldier.

ever wondered why life throws shit at you and tired of hearing the bullshit that everyting happens for a reason?
well reality is that life sucks and more often that it happens at random. we say that it happens for a reason to make it sound better. but truth is life is a bitch. you dont need all this nonsense springing up in your life just when things are settling down. or perhaps springing up when things havent even settled down. but the consolation to things is that life provided the oxygen to its suffocating character. it provided us friends and family around. you cant possibly tell me that an orphan has no one in the world when the world is filled with millions n billions. even a beggar on the streets would have met other beggars or someone tht just stops by to say hi. its only those who are not happy with the amount oxygen they are given that curse life n sometimes end it.

so then think abt it carefully... if life gave us friends n family around to help us thru the bullshit that it gives us, have we ever thought of being the oxygen to someone else? its true that not eeryone is a perfect match sometimes to help another havinga problem. but there is always someone there. maybe this time you may not be the best solution that happens to someone feeling emo. perhaps in the future you may be. having said this, id like to thank everyone that helped me thru bmtc in ninja coy. life was shit there but the people i talked to n had made it bearable. my my upcoming army life be as smooth as id hope n if it isnt,... may it be bearable for me to find the right amount of oxygen to pull thru.

peace out

2009-01-26T19:26:00.002+08:00

ninja company

remember when i was just thirteen. so peaceful. a rebel in school. top five in the class of very stupid people. was in judo training. didnt go any legion meetings. wtf.. orientation. campfire. 1e11. hygin, jared, ravin, ian, mark, randall. the people you knew life was never gonna be the same without. then moving on to sec 3. the best class you could ever get. you meet and finally realise who your true friends are. i met the two people who when i first saw, i never thought would be with me right up till cny on the year im serving ns.

now im serving ns. im a soldier. no longer the boy i could be. no longer the small boy that fights for everyone . im the soldier that leaves no man behind. its this time you look back at the time you spent with your friends and family. so much has changed. im no longer a boy. legally an adult.

this blog was started when i was on j1. i had one before this. amazing. such a child thing to be doing. bloggin. wtf.

im just wondering what happens in the next 4years. i would be out of ns. getting a carrer. maybe seein eugene off for his honeymoon. probably hygin is engaged to ze dong. me? i really dont know. well till next time......

2008-09-10T22:46:00.002+08:00

i dont wanna know....

hey people, i would just like to say that the prelims just showed us how prepared we are for Alevels. it doesnt show how stupid we are. so for a certain someone who feels like a loser cause she cant do her work.. dont be. you stil got time.

on the other hand, im bummed out by chem and econs. but hey i got 8 weeks to work on it.

oh and hygin can you please help me with my chem. i implore your help man. cause i need a B at least for Alevels. B at LEAST. please dude.

ad your econs as well...

2008-09-06T13:30:00.003+08:00

this is just a lil something i think a few of my friend needs to see.
we all claim that the world is cruel and hence we do not care and love others like how we would want others to love and care for us. this is a story i think that many people could use. It highlights the very love that could, should or would inspire us to love just as that of the father in the story has...

and for a certain two people in my life... quis custodes ipsos custodiet. ill do the exact thing in the video for you guys no matter what. this post is dedicated to you two for being there with me even during these two years.

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a> marathon with me?'.
The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'.
They went on to complete the marathon together.
Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together.

One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'
To which, his father said
'Yes' too.

For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever.
The race encompasses three endurance events of
- a 3.86 kilometer ocean swim,
- followed by a 180.2 kilometer bike ride
- and ending with a 42.195 kilometer marathon along the coast of the Big Island .

Father and son went on to complete the race together.
This is the race....

to all i know, nothing is stronger than caring and loving someone even id its a complete stranger. the world needs this kind of love..

there is a quote that im not too sure of but it summarised as this:
id like to leave the world knowing that its a better place than when i was born, even if its just a grass grown. for that is what defines my success.

2008-08-31T22:05:00.002+08:00

power to the people! power to the apple! power to the pimple! POWER TO DEEP PURPLE!!

been ages since i blogged... ust placing a post on one of my free days n thought about blogging. Preim preparation ain no easy thing to do man... n whats worse? the prelims. sigh alr been through a week n yet im so sian of it. kinda feelin like my class is dying. thats just my perspective of things. maybe its cause im dying. lol. but no seriously i think my class is seriously loosing the bond that we once had... then i thinks to myself... did we really have it to begin with? well its not really gone per say but rather its hittin its high n the next day an ultimate low. hmm.....

anyways it a short post just to say to the class of 2t30 to persevere n make it through cause im prayin for you guys so do your best n let god do the rest.

oh just for laughs... lets see how many people read this post seein that ive been on hiatus for so long. whoever reads this just place a tag n leave your name of course. n ill see the date plus the people . haha see who are the top ten who see this post. .... somewhow sound very ego or sounds very lame. but nevertheless tag anyways

2008-06-08T19:04:00.002+08:00

i see the sparkle of life shining....

fuck its been shit long since i last blogged huh? im done justifying when the next blog would be or why i havent blgged for a while. finally have the free time. Woot! anyways a lot has happened since the time has passed from my previous post.

fisrt off, i hope the class is doing well for the mid year revisions. dont know how well its going for them but i do hope they are doing better than i am. been pretty busy and out of focus lately. need to get back on track. two weeks more to go. nAbeh!!!! plus this sat is out and sunday too. so im left with officially ten days. oh shit!

going to the zoo on sat. been a while since ive gone. i think the last time i went to the zoo was in primary school. yes amazingh huh? even that was for school excursions. then on sunday i will be helping out with the friars run thingy as a road marshall. that too has been a while since i actually participated in such an event.

ok i have been staring at the screen for 15minutes thinking what else to type sial. ... ... ... ... there i go again. thats another ten minutes. shit i dont get how is it that its so difficult to post the longer i have been away. oh if 2t30 happens to read this. can someone send me the topics tested for maths, bio n chem? cause i m just studying all blindlessly. hahaha.

im just gonna post a song as i always do when its stuck in my head. maybe those who are avid readers of my blog would know that its been posted before. but as usual i just happen to be thinkin of a certain someone and the song came into my mind.

Staring at the moon so blue

Turning all my thoughts to you

I was without hopes or dreams

I tried to dull an inner scream

but yousaw me through

Walking on a path of air

See your faces everywhere

As you melt this heart of stone

you take my hand to guide me home

and nowI'm in love

[Chorus:]

You took my heart away

when my whole world was gray

You gave me everythingand a little bit more

And when it's cold at night

and you sleep by my side

you become the meaning of my life

Living in a world so cold

you are there to warm my soul

You came to mend a broken heart

You gave my life a brand new start and nowI'm in love

[Chorus:]You took...

Holding your hand

I won't fear tomorrow

Here were we stand

we'll never be alone

2008-05-04T22:22:00.002+08:00

goyang goyang.......

yo ppl what be cracking???
coconuts of course. yeah its been another fuck long time since i blogged. there be no point counting. oh well the last time i spoke it was simply recapping the mid years and telling my class, t30, to strive ahead. well i guess its about time i reflect on how its been thus far.

its been quite....................... fucked up!

yes im actually quite pissed off deep down inside with a lot of things that dont really concern me. rmb this line people, for its exactly why i dont show how i feel inside to the outside world. so why am i blogging about this now? its simply because its an avenue to vent. its an avenue to vent loudly without offending too many people in the process. and to top things off, hoping that some reader may look at it and hopefully choose to not get angry with my opinion but rather sit and reflect. then again..... its really all about choice isnt it?

which is exactly what im pissed off at. choice. the last post i typed was to inspire, to motivate and to the extent a bit of plead for my class to look after their learning. i will not deny that some have changed for the good, others more than the other. however there is still this group of random people that dont want to put in the effort. and i cant help but wonder why? do they think they are too good or cool to study? maybe.... cause i would think that the Alevels being a few months away would scare the living daylights out of some. the idea of skipping lectures or just wasting time that we dont have the luxury to waste is appaling with the grades that some of us get. sorry i made a mistake... i meant ALL of us got. there is no one, none, zero, nonexistent, people who got good grades in my class.

lets talk about the different group of people now. there are those who didnt do as badly as the rest in common test. these people are those that have barely scraped a grade decent of staying in the college. yet some of them think they are so fuckin superior to the others. they are complacent because of how they are able to perform a notch higher than the rest. without realising my dear friends that your grades are filth compared to other classes. yes i speak of someone in particular that i choose not to name. but your attitude of superiority angers me inside cause you condemn those that dont treat their studies right.

then there are those who are simply not affected by their results. it was as though ptm n the common test simply bounced off their thick heads. these are the people who still despite efforts in class, choose to slack off because they find comfort in the company. and this company can come up with a thousand and one reason not to do their work. they would "claim" to be bothered. basically these people are either to engrossed in everything to do with studies but than studies itself OR everything else to do with not studying than studies itself.

next comes the people who were motivated at the start but have lost fuel or the drive. they claim the status of stupidity just cause they fall behind. they choose to give up or not give a shit because finding out how to do means "dragging others to slow down for them" or "its a lot of work and impossible for me to catch up now". so these people generally just give up with their studies or subjects and choose to not bother.

finally there are those that have been TOO affected with their results that they claim that the fault lied with the class. the fault didnt lie with the way they studied. no no it cannot be. the teachers are useless and cannot help them. i have my own plan. i will study the way i want. it this group is especially painful to watch cause they are the hardest to talk to. they claim they know what they are doing but in fact they dont. from a third persons point of view, i can only sit and pray that their methods work even though i know deep down it isnt. these are the most dangerous of people too because they look down or judge unknowingly the efforts put up by people to help or the teachers who help and cause an drastic effect of influencing others.

but im not all that angry with the class la. dont get me wrong people. there are still quite a number who are bothered about their studies. there is still quite a number of people who is fighting to help the class. i only express the above out of anger, not to the class, but to myself. why? cause i think i may fail the class. i fear that i would not be able to pull them through. im worried sick each night, thinking of how or what else im supposed to do to make this all better.

oh well in other aspects, cjc hockey is doing a commendable effort. if we win tmr, we guarantee top 6 in the national A'division hockey championships. im actually really proud to be part of this revolutionizing team.

sports carnival was a real tiring one this year despite me not playing in any major game, but i think the eco challenge was really fun. as in really really fun. so good job and many thanks to joanne, joseph and chang yong.

lastly, rjc dance night last night was pretty cool. i think it was real awesome to be able to spend time with outside school. and whats better is that i got to catch something i really fancy. which is dance. i really like dance and it was also cool to catch up with eugene.

its gettin late alr. i think ill call a night. adios amigoes

2008-03-28T21:15:00.003+08:00

yayyemyemyoyanyiyay

what be wobblin people!!!!!!!! yes yes i know i havent updated in fuck long(abt 6inches) but i updating now cause i actually have time! woot. so we be needin to recap a lot of things huh?

ok first things first. lets get down to the common test. lets face it. it was fucked up. i did very badly n so did the whole of 2t30. yes your grades suck. suck what? suck thumb i guess. so basically what we have done is we have attempted to change our attitudes n provide a platform for us slackers to try n turn over a new leaf. the aim basically is to make sure each one of us help one another n make sure the grades we want are attained.

a lot of misunderstandings arose from that. people said hurtful things, things we argued n basically somethings are just not back to where it were. damn stress la. its been quite stressful wondering if ill be able to pull the class thru their Alevels. cause these are a bunch of people i love n adore. i cannot stand to see them fall just cause of past mistakes. i just hope that they are equally for their studies. which i do see. just need more motivation. so to the class of 2t30, keep up the muggertoad attitude that you guys intended!! ill see ur smiles at the end of this during our chalet . (:

whereas for momo... you are going to be part of this study programme. i believe u are more motviated and i believe u can do it. fuck care the rest of the people who encourage you to slack, these people are NOT the ones retaking their Alevels.

to my sweetheart, thanks for being so very patient with everything that has been going on. life has seemed to be less stressful with you in it. i forgot to mention today that i woke up this morning with a smile on my face. you know why? cause i dreamt of you, and nothing more better was in existence to put at ease a tired mind after such a day i had the previous day. i was really down n out ytd because everything was screwing up in life n it seem that once again the sweetness u get from helping someone was more detrimental to my health than a benefit. but u in that dream comforted me cause when i look at you, you remind me of how lucky i am to have you n have the strength to help those that need it. your patience only adds to the fact that you seem to be able to exceed the meanin of perfect. cause thats what you are. you are more than perfect to me.

now back to how school life has been. its been........... stressful n yet wobblin
ive never wanted hockey season to end more than ever so that i got the free time to study.
things have been ever so crapful with iqbal next to me during chemistry.
yes yes, yayyemyemyoyanyiyay. for those who dont know wtf is that.. its ammonia. for what its worth... anything you dont understand is simply clarified with one word. tutsi

the mere tutsification of our class has spurred retardedness. ppl gettin blood clots in the throat due to heavy duty blow jobs and 120kg sumos sitting on the heads of oversized malay man. i bet there was some light headed feelings there. n did i mention the random shouting of tutsi n poppadum n shit.

oh well... ill call it a day for now. il ltry n update more. i find its harder to blog when u dont blog for a long time. recappin sucks. so does sluts giving blowjobs. haha

oh yah i forgot! i got a E for malay. woot to me. it be the seks. i be the seks. the E be the seks. sex be the seks. manbeast be the anti-seks.

kk a bit too high alr. but for what its worth i still know a bit of malay. heres just a bit:

ulang uling dan ulong naik bot. uling dan ulong jatuh, siapa di bot?

k fuck my nose itchy.... gotta go scratch
kk adios ppl

2008-02-09T11:25:00.000+08:00

the China New Year!

hey people. i guess i better put up a post especially on chinese new year holiday cause i cant hide behind the reason that i am too busy too blog. so yeah here is a post dedicated to updating my status quo and a few shout outs to people that i need to acknowledge.

well the last time i remembered blogging was about my chem and econs test that i was gonna fail. well.. turns out i passed my chem test and failed the econs test. ever since then he week s been real hectic. failed my maths CA too. damn.

the week has been full of shit sometimes. winchester pre-school may be shutting down in about two months. heart just aches to think about it. but shall keep it under wraps. my studies are beginning to slip up again and i gotta fight to get it back on track. so thats what i'm gonna do later in the afternoon after lunch. i need to finish and master my maths again cause thats what i'm good at and i need to be able to handle the pressure when the time comes. not fall. and i'm gonna try and figure out chemistry organic chemistry again. that one really must die die know cause it looks like the only topic in chem i can score in.

lastly i just wanna give this post a few shout outs to a few important people in my life.

to my foster sister who thought had lost me, im always and will always be there for you. you need to fight cause only when you fight, you show you actually do care. that im actually worth the effort. stop swallowing every little thing that doesnt go your way. i promised you then like i promise you now. i will always be watching out for you and you can turn to me whenever you need. just promise me, you will never forget me.

next, to momo. my piece of advice for you is to not make a small issue seem so big. you barely got to know him, his character his passion and yet you are falling like some 5year old who stepped into a chocolate factory. cause frankly momo its a bit retarded and from a third person view, you look pretty weak. you look like the type that can easily be swayed by small things like looks. and thats where you gotta grow up. im here to always look out for you too but please don't be insanely crazy and fear something that has not happened. you haven't made friends with this dude and yet you think he will reject you. for all you know, he may be the one to reject you.

thirdly to another friend of mine whom i have been keeping in touch with lately. i know it hurts for you to find out what you did. makes you feel so stupid huh? but cmon something you need to remember in life is that things are never permanent in this life. its ever changing. so don't feel stupid for the way you feel. cause you never know whether your luck may sway your way. mine did ;).

lastly to my sweetheart, no words can express what i wanna say to you. cause the post will never end that way. but the general summary to it would be.... thank you for making me as lucky as i am now.

2008-01-26T11:40:00.000+08:00

some funky shit.

the week has gone by again sooo fast. i havent been blogging solely cause im so tired to even bother. but i shall do some justice to this weekend by actually spending some time posting a decent post.

its been another week one by in school. im gonna fail my chem test and econs test. maths FA i managed to pass it so that one was a done deal. so many test are coming up and yet it seems like the term is going by very fast. 5th week next week. thats halfway in to term 1 alr. and it seems like the year has just begun.

i think some people theses days are intentionally having selective hearing just to piss others off. haha. yes im talkin about you cause you have been doing it since the year began. and this week has just been annoying cause its only when its something important that you actually give a shit to respond. you choose when you want to talk and basically thats why i dont want to talk that much to you anymore.

i think im real lucky though. i have been having someone to talk to and actually gives a shit now abt whether im alive or not. yay! haha.

2008-01-19T10:55:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i last blogged. yes yahui who apparently, based on her latest tag, has become my new found sister. haha. (:

well the week has gone by pretty fast for me. been pretty tied up with a lot of back logged work n dont seem motivated to do them. well at least the later part of the week became much more frutiful when i swapped places with joe. so that now im sittin nxt to yahui n it becomes more interesting once again in class. with the occasional drawing on my hand, spastic conversation and random comments with iqbal.

OUR GP teacher is a hundred times better than the previous. The class actually seems interested in whatever he says n it seems interestin sometimes.

maths has become a torture to pay attention to cause its soo boring. whereas chem is something i have totally given up on. i really cant do it cause i dont get the basics n then moving to somethin more chim is insane.

on a different note. this is totally irrelevant to how im generally feeling but its a small nagging feeling that i cant help but express. i hate them. i hate it when they are just like everyone else. insensitive. think they are big shots just cause people notice. so fucking typical. you people should have never had the privellege cause it makes you fucking cocky. like as though world conforms to your desires. so what happens to those around you. the weak? the oppressed? the neglected? you simply dont care. to you they seem to be like peasants to you. you need a reminder my dear friends, that you were once like them. i saw where you were then n now how you are. it is disgusting. you think you are better than me? on the contrary... i think i beat you in every thing. i have been where you are, ive experienced it n ive met ppl like you. just cause i choose to care abt others doesnt make me inferior. it makes me a thousand folds superior to you.

a war is brewin. one that will spill soon if not contained. im tryin to contain it as silently as possible. no guarantees here. but regardless of casualties i will not sway to your side. cause you people simply disgust me . you are the very reason why i chose the class over being up there.

haha ok so now thats done... i remind you that its simply a small feeling that inside me. i feel happy generally. im happy with the people i am with and those i have. im happy cause you make me happy. to hell with the people who condemn my happiness. i AM happy and i will fight for it always.

thats why people think im the luckier one. cause i actually found a person that makes me happy.

2008-01-13T14:05:00.001+08:00

this is a familiar picture to my blog readers.
but thats how im feeling right now.
HIGH ON ECSTASY!

yupp thats as crazy and surreal as it has been this past week. il post abt it later. but just wanted to show how ive been feeling the past week.

2008-01-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

mid week!

fuck its Wednesday already. had trainin today n my legs are dying. i can barely move n still feels like puking la. well the week has gone by pretty interesting. its been an awesome time in class these past few days simply cause there hasnt been a day i did not laugh.

this is an excerpt of a convo had btwn me n iqbal in class:

Ryan: Philip Lim Jingyang is a bastard.

Iqbal: Who is he?

Ryan: Some bastard.

Iqbal: Ah i see.

n the conversation just dies here. after springin up randomly out of no where. n this conversation just seem to be damn funny cause it happened abt three times alr in class.

other random jokes involved joe's dick, random throwin of stuff into rachels bag, singing animals n skippin lectures. haha. yeah n it does no damage to add the fact that you are in class also. so thats another point to be extremely pleased with. (:

finale night was kinda cool. now im just so tired that my fingers are lazy to type everythin out. fuck it... ill type a decent proper post another time. not now.

bye for now.

2008-01-06T19:44:00.000+08:00

it is a sunday and i wasted it lazing at home. listening to music and packing my stuff. i chanced upon a song today. it somewhat summed up whatever i was thinking of or rather how ive felt of you.

When God Made You

It's always been a mystery to me
How two hearts can come together
And love can last forever
But now that I have found you, I believe
That a miracle has come
When God sends the perfect one

Now gone are all my questions about why
And I've never been so sure of anything in my life

chorus:
I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true
When God made you
He must have been thinking about me

I promise that wherever you may go
Wherever life may lead you
With all my heart I'll be there too
From this moment on I want you to know
I'll let nothing come between us
I'll love what ever you love

chorus:

He made the sun He made the moon
to harmonise in perfect tune
One can't move without the other
They just have to be together
And that is why I know it's true
You're for me and I'm for you
Cause my world just can't be right
Without you in my life

I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true
He must have heard every prayer I've been praying
Yes, He knew everything I would need
When God made you
When dreams come true
When God made you
He must have been thinking about me

what more can i say? god WAS thinking of me when he created you. you can put a smile on my face on any day. your kiss just shows me how much you care. (:

second week of school begins tmr. sigh. 5 stories up here i come.

2008-01-05T14:27:00.000+08:00

kk been a while since i posted yeah? well the new year has started and that means school has started as well.

new years eve was awesome with you guys. followed by another wonderful night spent with you. woke up like at 530 in the evening after reaching home like at 7 in the morning? yupp then went to church n got myself a few new years resolution.

then school started. maybe it was just me but i was actually looking forward to school starting a little bit. we have new n BETTER gp n econs teachers. our math lecturer is apparently a good friend of lee kuan yew. though the fucked up thing abt this year in school is that my class is 5 stories above ground. nabeh. everytime got to climb those steps the series of vulgarities would run through my head.

well the new year would mean that i got to study harder. so yeah i shall attempt to study as hard as i can.

lastly, the new year seems all too brighter now that you are here with me. the feeling of having someone really look after you feels like ecstacy and you make my day every morning. the only sad thing is that people aint that fond of the idea of ryan being happy. but who cares? ive got you n you are all that matters.

2007-12-30T23:27:00.000+08:00

im back from the wedding. ive got a lot to talk abt but hey.. im lazy! so i shall do it nother time
but for now. here are some pics: only half of what im yet to upload.

2007-12-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

my perfect weekend this year.

hello my fellow readers. my last post talked abt nostalgic crap n how im yet to meet up with those i have yet to see in a loong while. well that has changed. yes it has all changed!!!

1) 433 class gathering on the 21st. an awesome gathering cause i got to catch up with the class. really nice people. some havent changed. gossiped a lot. haha so fun. n that night progressed to awesome stuff as well. no regrets (:

2) i got to eat at hogs breath with yahui after us working there for soooo long.

3) thought i didnt really go out ytd it felt like i finally accomplished loads. a whole year of bottling been released. it was simply a day to remember.

4) went for mass today n caught up with anna. haha nice getting to talk to her also.

see... what a nice weekend. not to mention that im actually really really happy after so long. christmas is in two days. so fun. plus all the gifts ive gotten. haha cant wait to give them out.
on our not so happy note. im leaving on the 26th for the wedding. all this while i had nothing holding me back from wanting to go. in fact i was kinda looking forward to taking a break from the stress of singapore. BUT NOW... haha no way. i wish i didnt have to go cause home is still better. but oh well i guess ill make the most of it.

i regret nothing but not making this sooner

2007-12-20T12:31:00.000+08:00

the wind is blowing damn strong outside.

i dont know what im feeling. its the feeling you get when you know that the holidays are drawing a close and you know that you havent even done half the things you would have liked to do. its the feeling where im stuck at home doing work which i never thought id have to do again.

thats a sucky feeling cause i havent really gotten the chance to catch up with those that i really miss. the only thus far has been rachel. had lunch with her yesterday. well sorta lunch, she hasnt changed much from that time till now. im yet to meet anna or randall. strangely im yet to go out shopping with yahui eventhough we have been working for the past few weeks. working just doesnt count as spending a nice christmas holiday with friends. cause its always on our feet. never something to let loose and enjoy the moment. think the last time was on the 20th. haha. so yeah the sucky feeling that school is about to start and i havent spent time with those i really wanted to catch up with. aiya there is no need to say for eugene n hygin cause those two are always available so we do catch up. but the other ppl have somehow disappeared.

hopefully will get the opportunity to go out tonight. whereas for anna, if you are reading this let me know if you want to go for mass together on sunday n then hang out. yupp.

oh wait my phone is ringing.. n its a msg from iqbal. haha that be another papaya who at least i had the time to spend with during the hols. drinking starbucks and talkin rubbish.

but yet it doesnt feel complete. i m looking forward to seeing the 433 ppl tmr. yeah i suppose the realisation of a crappy year next year is beginnin to set in. i wish things went back to where it were when we were preparing for Olevels. i had ppl motivating me to study. i had a lot of fun in the process. n i actually enjoyed studyin with them. them referring to my class plus anna n rachel n nat.

my gosh nostalgic eh? oh well lets see what my plans are for tonight. as of now its uncertain cause i havent gotten a reply on dinner plans. oh well...

2007-12-20T00:10:00.000+08:00

haha banana monkey!

ok.. im a bit too lazy to finish this post that i had in mind. anti climax ah? tmr la

2007-12-17T16:55:00.000+08:00

hello blog. im sooooo exhausted from things right now. haha. finally had my last day at work last night. was actually dying from tired legs last night. soooo lets have a rewind on things yeah?

k i woke up on sat morning for a run. i need to keep training cause i honestly feel im really slow as compared to what i can run. damn those knees of mine. anyways after my run, i went to work. work was rather tiring and all but kinda fun cause there were new people there. n jenny was coaching them so the floor was managed by me n yahui.
pretty cool cause she actually did teach me how to do cash bills. we went to fish n co for lunch break. after that we went back to work. woah that night was sooo slack n raymond wasnt in a good mood. so i was stationed at weird places la. then finally a reservation came so i had at least something to do. though those people were asses la. damn bitchy twin girls.

once we ended we headed back home. i walked yahui to the her house before getting a call to go for supper. so i had supper at bukit timah before taking a walk home. was shit tired from everything.

next morning i woke up for mass before going for work again. seemed to be my last day at work so i went in and set up as much as i can. felt good having learnt a lot from the place. then the day progressed n i wore pinky again n paraded around city hall. haha. then we went to raffles city market place for lunch break. queued for nice doughnuts n had subway. wen back n gave those working there the doughnuts we bought.

then the night started and things began to get real hectic once the match began. haha was actually thinkin to myself how thankful i was that i was only ending at ten cause my legs were going crazy. they were near the brinsk of giving way. haha then yahui came up with her brilliant sentimental nostalgic papayas n suggested we do till closing. then in my head i was going noooooo but of course i was like ok la.

OH! i just remebered what happened last night. i didnt get the chance to tell anyone due to how busy evryone was.
i was closing up pig pen room in the dark and actually asked yahui to help me if she was not too busy. so while clearing everything i had half expected yahui to walk in once she was done. mind you the place was dark n the doors were close to shut. then while placing the chairs on the tables.. someone breathed into my ear. n i turned around half expecting to scold yahui for giving me the creeps. but she wasnt there. then i cursed under my breath. after a few more chairs someone like sorta placed their hand on my left shoulder that was aching. n i turned around like once again abt to scold yahui for tryin to scare the shit out of me. but no one was there. then i was like nabeh this aint good at all. n the door was at the other end of the room. then i looked around the room trying to find out who the fuck was there. haha thoughts soon filled my mind cause of where i stood. i was standing at the end of the long centre table furthest away from the door. the very centre where the nun hung. so i quickened my pace of putting the chairs on the table with my heart racing. then as soon as i placed the last chair on the table i headed to theoor. just before stepping out someone blew into my left ear again. then i kinda shouted fuck as i opened the door. only to see zhi bin just stare at me. freaky eh???

yeah so after that i was pretty dazed from shock n went to the veranda to help yahui as instructed by zhi bin. then ben told me to clear the outdoors. so yeah everything went back to normal. once we finaly closed the place, me n yahui called a cab n headed back home. the incident completely was forgotten till i was blogging abt it. yeah i dropped her off n then headed home. i fell asleep in the cab from the exhaustion. knocked out as soon as i reached home n saw the score.

woke up this morning to train at sji before heading home once again. knocked out all the way till i woke up to start on my paperwork that i got to get done. haiz. was suppose to go shopping today with yahui at night since it looked like my only free day this week. but she has loads to do n she was too tired so i guess thats canceled.

hmm christmas is coming.... i got loads of gift to get. beginning if i can get for the whole class already. not that i dont have the cash. but rather i dont know what to get n no time. so im gonna give all those that im close to n anything i happen to come across.

anyone that accesses my laptop will actually have privellege to see what im getting people for christmas. muahahahah. sadly only i use my laptop. alright.. i shall blog later if i have the time n mood n papayas.

i thought of something selfish just now. haha sigh. damn human nature.

2007-12-14T17:28:00.000+08:00

give me another reason to believe ive not once again let history repeat itself.

2007-12-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

i just wanna say im sorry to both of you for the two different mistakes i made.

to one... im sorry that i was never direct in my approach n i do hope that you learn to trust once again. things need to be mended so lets hope we can start anew.

to the other... im sorry for the ass i have been and making you sound useless when you have been awesome. i dont know what you think of me anymore cause you never seemed to respond to my attempts to talk abt it after last night. so i assume you arent angry but given up. thats sad but i guess there isnt anything else i can do. just hoping you say something soon abt it. cause its driving me nuts with your ignoring attitude you adopted.

2007-12-10T21:34:00.000+08:00

sigh. of all times to feel that way. hello blog. i suppose im gonna fight this myself yes? i cant bring myelf to drag anyone else into it. so why do i fight? cause i know its better that i fight this with her. she will never learn. i dont want to see her hurt in life somewhere down the road. she needs to learn. n once again i got to be the one that does it. no one, not even she, would see what i do. unless of course i explain n invite them in fightin this battle against her. but i cant bring myself to ask anyone else to do this with me.

its hard cause of all the victims, im the worse one. n yet i got to do this for her. urgh. sometimes i hate reasonin n compassion. my last act of kindness? thats what ill tell them. but hidden.... its only the beginning. sigh

what i heard today really touched a nerve in me but hey.. when has that mattered.

2007-12-09T01:59:00.001+08:00

im so exhausted but yet just wanna blog before i turn in.

its like a disgrace or something bad. i wouldnt expect you to understand since superiority always favoured the majority. n its not like i want you to know what i really think cause then you would shut up for some reason. thinkin thats a better way to solve it. keep me hidden from what i already know exist.

the hurt is still there and well, it hurts even more to know that you had nothing comforting to say to me in return. makes me wonder if you actually did agree with tat statement. oh wait, u did. i wonder why u even talk to me sometimes. are you talking n mixing around with me cause im scary in the sense that i could turn against you? thats why u force yourself to talk n mingle? so if i was some nobody you probably would not have bothered. im a disgrace indeed. the top priority on why its so hard for you to just swallow what people say sometimes.

sigh... if u only knew how it felt. then again i dont know if you actually do care abt how i feel. cause if u did, you would have still told me but yet reassured me somehow that you disagree with the opinions of theirs. yet the impression i read from you was that it was something i had to accept. i had to accept that you find me an embarassment . sigh i didnt want to sy this jst now cause knowing you, you are going to get angry wih me n next time u wouldnt want to tell me.

but i guess the blog is a good place to say everything one shot n let u react from there. i just hope u dont resort to hiding anythin from me from now on. cause then that would mean u really dont trust me at all anymore.

haha dont be crazy.. how on earth can i be close to anyone of such nature.~ u really think so?

2007-12-07T19:45:00.000+08:00

im not emo. im just once again simply disappointed that u let me down. dont even know why sometimes you do what you do. n if i start tellin u what i feel abt what you are doing then you will only get emo or maybe (highly likely) get angry with me.

so im done trying to tell you cause you dont want to change it. you yourself said so. where you are comfortable in why bother changing. so what if it troubles others. yeah so thats why im not emo or even pissed off with you. simple disappointed cause i know you had that chance to simply inform me. i dont know what else to say.

to another friend on the other hand... dude chill alright. you need to let go. n you yourself told me u never wanted to in the first place. so yeah abt time u did. as for me.. ill implode if i have to before saying how i really feel of the situation. nothin expresses my anger inside for it.

oh yeah yahui if you read this... you are working tmr 11-CL n sunday 11-10.

2007-12-05T13:00:00.000+08:00

hello blog~

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

nice song i so happen to be listening to at the moment. well i had two days off and its back to work in a few hours time. sigh. christmas is coming and im yet to go and get the presents i wanted to get for those close to me.

im right now so bored i actually cleaned my entire room and sorted out my books. woot! well its raining outside so my knees are hurting but the day is all the more gloomy cause half of my class that i actually talk to have gone somewhere in the world. maybe zimbabwe. hahaha. the plan has been set and you know what? i feel scared for you. lol

to my bro.. im sorry for what i said ytd to you. or rather you had to hear it like this. but i think if you look at it carefully and think for a moment.. at least you can see who actually is willing to stand up for you and who isnt. that what should matter most. esp if your situation is as such that you are in love with her still and she thinks that way of you.

anyways im going for lunch now. gettin a bit hungry. haha. then got to get ready for work again.

2007-12-04T21:21:00.001+08:00

the week has been a bit easier. yet still tiring. on sat i went down to work as per normal n it was shit busy all of a sudden. really a curse when we are short of staff. but i left early to go for a function.

the next day again went to work in the morning all the way to night. saw the roster and was glad that i had the tuesday off. was really tired and kept loosing my cool that night. especially since it was busy. sigh... phone died n didnt get the message abt trainin till like midnight again. everyone around me decided to complain to me. all swines.

the next morning woke up early to go for a run with the hockey people n had to leave after the run. met up with rosheni for lunch for fun. after lunch i went to meet up with eugene n hygin at starbucks n we talked abt our lives till 8 in the night. yeah i couldnt believe how outdated they were. felt so good venting everything at each other. all the bottled shit realeased n then we strategised on what to do.

went back online after that n only to get angry with someone. thanks a lot la. my faith in you as a friend just dropped n i know that you wouldnt bother trying to mend things. why cause u are i wasnt that big of a deal to begin with eh? hahaha nvm im done trying to please the world. at least for now la.

today i woke up n had to go for a match against ajc. i was already set to tell them that i was leaving after the match but a few events left me wanting to just stay. cause i proved it to them n to myself by playing an awesome game. i manage to string most of my passes accurately. n to top things all off... i scored the one n only goal in that match. eat that shit!

tmr is gonna be another sian day at work. although its special. its where yusof ishak n i become friendly. haha.

alright enough india's bullshit for now. i know that got a lot to spare but hey.

2007-11-30T00:24:00.000+08:00

i know this is hard to say without you thinkin it in any wrong way. so ill just say it anyways cause i got faith in you once again to not think too deeply into this.

i know its hard to see it now. life aint fair, it never is. we go through it hoping that it goes easy on us. im sorry that you had to find out this ways. but let me tell you something. something i think you already know but just need reminding off....

i admire you cause i see a part of you that reflects who i am sometimes. you try and please the whole world just like how i sometimes try. what hurts me the most is to ever see someone i care for get hurt.

you mean a lot to me n thats why i hate it the most. you have a life apart from that of school or NYAA. you try and juggle it n yet people demand so much from you. all i can say to you right now is to look at it from a different perspective. your siblings no matter how annoying they are will NEVER be able to repay you. its a fact! but what you do get in return is knowing that you at least looked after them despite their ungratefulness. its not much to hang on to but at least something. you did not conform to hatred or selfishness. n that is what matters the most. always do what matters the most.

secondly, abt projects being a bitch to you.... at least you get to meet all different types of people in life. the ones that can handle the pressure of a leader n still be concerned n those that cant. you are just a pawn in a learning stone to someone who has yet to learn the meaning of being a friend. or how hopeless a leader he is (:

im sorry its hard on you but sometimes you being a pawn is essential to jackasses like him finally realising what he is doing. how? not by arguing with him. if he really treats you unfairly im sure your hurt will be felt by those that actually DO care abt you. n they will voice it out. u cant possibly ignore the thunderous cries of injustice that comes abt from the people who love you. just bear with it for now. trust those that you know has your back. im hopin you trust me.

dont think that it troubles us. cause that is what friends are for. we are here to look out for each other n protect each other. so please learn to trust n actually look on the bright side of those you have. for me.. even if i only got that one miserable friend having my back... that is enough to bring me comfort. im being understood by someone who can see my pain. someone actually is there to catch me when i fall. rmb these things when shit happens.

lastly.. dont look down on yourself so much. look for learning points in this. if life throws you lemons... make vodka lemon lime n give ryan to drink. haha. you are only human so its natural for you to feel like shit when things like this happen. but this only really does makes you stronger.
i really am proud that you never once swore at him. im proud of you that you tried to resolve things. im proud you actually did turn to those who love you. im proud of you for looking after your siblings though they dont. im proud u dont demand as much from your parents as they do. im proud lastly to have known you cause knowing a person who does all this makes me proud that i did fall for you once before. rmb the chain..

your angel will always watch you no matter, it doesnt trouble me cause honestly watchin over someone like you makes me proud to have accomplished something.

hope that helped you cause i think its high time u are reminded of it.

2007-11-29T00:57:00.000+08:00

havent blogged in a while. been at work.

i wonder whether the day would come that you actually treat me like im human too. that i too get affected and i too dont want people saying such stuff. u keep making me sound like i encourage stuff like this. im not some ass that wants people to think such stuff abt me.

u cant accept me even as a friend. no wonder you are so much more affected than i am. cause i actually believed that as friends we would accept n trust each other n to hell with what others say. unfortunately, u dont. you care more abt others opinion than the feelings of a friend. a friend that can bear with the SAME EXACT treatment as you do n yet put up with it cause he doesnt care. that seems more important to him than his self image in front of strangers that barely known him for a month.

i guess it hurts more that after all this, i actually thought that you would be somewhat a bit grateful for me accompanying you tonight. turns out, i ended up being the one that screws up your self image. im sorry.

i want you to scold me if u dont agree with what i say here.

2007-11-25T01:29:00.001+08:00

im annoyed at you. or maybe at myself. i dont really know.

never expected you to take it that way. walau eh. of all the times you emo on me, when i do that you make me sound like that. bleah. somehow it was something i thought of sharing with you. my thoughts n such. but yet your reaction made me think that you should have just forgotten what i said.

alright i guess i am gettin pissed of over nothing. im just annoyed that you thought that way thats all. cause im so not some attention craving meh meh la. just thought of confiding in someone who somehow turned out to think badly of me. its like what michelle said " i seem so much easier to handle when i bottle everything "

anyways i did closing today at work, it was pretty cool. sneaked in the kitchen and ate the food while the chefs all were gone. ajie was really funny. took a cab back with him n dropped him off at lau pasat. i was so tired that i fell asleep in the cab till i reached my house.

tmr working as well. goodnight

2007-11-23T17:36:00.000+08:00

i regret it. i really do. i regret it and no one can/has reassure me that i shouldnt. no one can reassure me that i still got hope. i had my reasons of it.

i wish it were different. yes im still human. i dont understand why it has to be this way. feeling pretty flawed in every way possible.

oh the chalet was a fun experience. hope everyone enjoyed it n had a good time. well its over now. that means one thing n my head.

i cant believe u can kid yourself that way. thats so sucky la.

2007-11-21T10:17:00.000+08:00

EXPLOSION!!!!!!!

kk. im done now. to my blog..... sorry. haha

always good to add a haha.

2007-11-21T09:13:00.001+08:00

yes its still flowing but shant say it cause it just isnt the right plae nor time. keep it in. will say it once this is all over. why anger has to flow is cause i finally am relying on a few people n its mazing how their responses are to it sometimes. think one would become more tired after seeking help. strange eh?

oh well... thanks hygin for the hook up. n chalet today. i suspoect something. lol.

2007-11-20T02:30:00.000+08:00

glad u enjoyed..

hello blog, today was a pretty interesting day. although i woke up pretty early, i still had energy to last me till now. amazing huh?

haha well the morning started off pretty mundane. same old same old. did a few chores and had lunch while waiting for yahui to reply whether we were still ons for dinner.
i doubted we were gonna go, but turned out eitherwise n we met up at beauty world to play pool for a while. after which at abt 8 we made our way to petes place at hyatt hotel.

dinner was nice n we ate and ate till we were pretty bloated man. so bloated that we could hardly walk properly after that. we spent abt two and a half hours there b4 taking a stroll along orchard road to see the lights while we made our way to cineleisure to watch beowulf at 1130. pretty average movie i guess. funny at times though i fell asleep at one part. haha.

after that we took a walk to centrepoint b4 taking a cab. i dropped yahui off b4 heading home myself n now im here. hahaha

i must say i had a few thoughts that ran in my head today as the days went by. here are a few,

*i missed the times where we had something going on and it used to be exciting just sayin something sweet to the other. haha hardly happens now huh. lol oh well

*i kinda wished my knees were fine n A-ok cause the weather was killing me.

*i know that there is never gonna be anything btwn us but yet part of me just wants to know the feeling of holding your hand n holding you in my arms. one of my one few wishes is to spend a wonderful moment just to savour a feeling.

*i havent had mee soto in a while.

yupp those are the few thoughts that ran through my mind today. interesting eh?? thought so haha. 180(:

i hope you had an awesome night as well. we should do this again someday. it was fun eh? lol.

hmmm... wondering if i should post this. ah heck la. ill just do it anyways. i trust you. haha.

worth it.

2007-11-17T23:11:00.000+08:00

woke up in a horrid mood. the world just didn't like me today as everything kept going wrong. sigh then i went to work and felt slightly better though i still feel very bleah-ish.

welcome back to all mawai people. next top is chalet, for those who rmb that is. haha. this post shall be a short one cause im LAZY. haha. so yeah.

mouse chases cat?? hahaha. now that is topsy turvy.

2007-11-16T22:16:00.001+08:00

well today was pretty alright. i woke up in the morning and went for training. coach seems to know how to tire us out in the many different ways man. haha. after trainin i went over to eugenes house to slack while waitin for hygin n jer to come. i fell asleep while jerlyn walked in... n we talked a lot of rubbish, haha yes meet jerlyn! the one with the bisexual boyfriend. haha. so sad. n yet she is suppose to be the one who dreamed of the typical boyfriends that she watches on tv.

an odd world it is.

n then hygin bought lunch and we went to play pool at beauty world while continuing to talk till like jerlyn had to go. after she left it became even more retarded with the three of us. oh yeah buddha came a long as well. lol. yeah and then we sat at macs while talkin n reminiscing abt sji. headed home (eugene home) afer that while hygin n buddha went home. after a while i too left for my real home. spoke to hygin on the way home abt stuff on the phone.

NOW im back to being bored at home. sigh.....

im not gonna lie and say i didnt once think abt how you were. dunno if you would have done the same. even if u did, dont think you would tell me anyways. oh well.

2007-11-15T23:01:00.000+08:00

i wish i had a choice. i wish i had control.

something tells me u hate it when u aint receivin the attention you are suppose to get. or rather one that you thing you are suppose to get. yes im referring to the same person who until now has not realised that this blog post is abt her at all. you are beyond words. you only seem to have fun when people wait on you hand and foot. thats why you didnt enjoy yourself as much the last time we met. sadly now you begin to suspect tt it may be you. but i vow now that im not gg to say who this post refers to even to those who it doesnt. why? cause i know you would try and fish out of others, though you are damn sure it doesnt refer to you. paranoia creeping in? i thought so... haha. well of course those that cfm knew that it didnt refer to them the last time would pretty much live in security. some may even live in knowledge. knowledge of the person i refer to n yet this person so blindly is dilusioned to think its not.

oh and another thing, ill see you at the chalet as you promised. but dont be too sure you would have my protection from others at all times. cause frankly, u seem to think you are fine with the way you shoot your mouth abt some of us. im upset now not cause of something that happened. im upset of the image i was painted in.

today was actually pretty fun. i went out with rosh n rach after rosheni supp paper n spent abt two hours in kfc talkin shit and just insultin each other. pretty good eh? yeah and after that i watched the two literally kick each others asses on the way to p.s. pretty funny sight cause they looked like a bunch of pri school kids. who in broad daylight would be attemptin to kick each others asses in the middle of orchard?

yeah n then i took a bus back n slept to my hearts desire. oh not b4 eating a whole chocolate cake. so yummy. watched samurai x n played darts with my dad. now as bored as always.

just wondering whether i should think abt what i want for a change. just this once.

2007-11-13T00:19:00.000+08:00

yes hygin n eugene as i said earlier that is what ive been feeling lately. need that wake up call i suppose but nothing seems to be cheering me up. then again.... the feeling of maybe thats all im suppose to be to ppl. nothing more than what they say i am.

oh well.

2007-11-10T13:09:00.000+08:00

ftfoi

ytd was pretty ok. congrats to chang yong for managing to retain. you better do well as promised or else you know whats coming to you.

then walked from far east to city hall to meet yahui for interview at Hogs Breath. i think we clinched it.

nothing much to say abt it. haha. interesting things discussed yesterday. the weirdo chasing eh? lol. shall touch on something more depth again.

i last talked about the pursue of self glory. those that chase it, those who have given up n those that don't bother. lets not look closely at the thoughts that runs in the minds of the "fools" aka those that dont bother.

we assume this person is a he to help in my typing alright.

he(the person that doesn't bother) did not naturally think this way. much like those who has given up, they once had the desire to chase self glory. but soon realises that it leads to heartache when disappointed. then again the feeling of being let down is always a heartache eh?

so he would not bother cause he hopes that a person would soon realise what matters the most and That, on top of her awesome personality, would capture his attention. the fact that she notices character b4 the prized three. yes that is what matters the most to him. sadly the real world is far from ideal. the real world states that this guys must be really dumb. cause hardly anyone would go for such a thing. its human nature to crave the prized three. then does that make him inhuman? sadly yes n no. he does not chase to bag the prized three but then again not ignoring it. Yes this guy isn't foolish. he knows beauty when he sees it and definitely is captivated. he knows fame when it struts by n he acknowledges it. n he definitely sees wealth when it grazes past and surely admires it.

for he is still human. the thing that differs is he does not let it affect him. the beauty simply captivates, the fame is noticed and wealth in only ever admired. but nevertheless he would stick in seeking for the perfect girl who has the best personality though society thinks it is not the "perfect" couple. your natural response to the guy must be either "what an idiot" or "wow, what a guy." but sadly when the guy does find someone who he loves for personality (not to mention the prized three is also evident) the girl turns him down for HE does not posses the prized three or rather there are better suitors for her to be proud of in the pool. no its not the swimming pool la. haha.

so then most of the time this guys would then react to increase his prized three. BUT then there are some times when the guy doesn't bother. he sticks by his original beliefs for he knows that it was THIS belief that got him an awesome relationship for two years. it is this sort of belief that makes the relationship less superficial and any problem that comes along becomes so much easier to deal with cause it reflects the maturity of two parties.

now sadly this is the part where you think. :P in todays world, most girls would look for the prized three and this often results in screwed up relationships yes? so how does this guy ever find the girl he looks for? haha that my friends is the general feeling he has each day that he would never find love. and as days passes more issues such as colour n ideology plays in his sad life. its times like this that iqbal whips out a violin and plays serenating music to his sad life. but there are always finer things he would try to look to. each day hoping that a girl in todays society would take a leap out of the norm. to like him for his character n not for the prized three. sometimes he makes a mistake to love someone who doesn't and when she soon realises that he is no more famous, wealthy or beautiful so lets him go. thinking that there must be a better person. so now this guy is crushed and each day hopes that that girl would grow up and like him again for who he is. but yet hope is all he hangs on to yes?

this passage was in the point of view of a guy but im sure some girls can relate as well. just that its rare. girls hardly look for that guy that has a good character. they want the best catch or rather a catch worth being proud of. so guys out there that chase self glory ( haha joe ) you are the ones who are pretty much safe. for those who have given up.. sadly your burning pursuit has yet to be worn out. N for those who are like the guy stated above, hang on to hope. that girl may one day come by or for those who already have a girl... maybe she will notice you. but remember its hope. n hope alone for you are doing the right way.

even if it means never getting the life you dreamed of. yupp here ends an insight i have to life. hope some enjoyed.

there was a reason for asking... cause the likelihood is there. we will see how much things have changed soon. whether hope still exists in life. chance and risk without thinking. lol. that sometimes may get you somewhere.

(: alright thats all for now.

2007-11-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

haha. alright. the day went by. damn boring. won the fight against natoon. hope he doesnt kacau my fights anymore. not feeling too good. dunno why also.

ill just pick it up from joanne here.
4 5639 968 96853618 7877678 63 3766 843 234466464.

haha pretty lame but yeah thats the only thing i somehow was lookin for. life shift. someone told me a the start of the year she was a shape shifter. i think i know why now.

2007-11-08T16:00:00.000+08:00

wah damn tired is i. dunno why also. just been feeling lazy!

the world is a battle for self glory and there are the few who give up on tht battle, pursue it n those that just dont feel the need to.

sadly in the world the majority goes to those who pursue it. n more often than not those that given up on that battle are those that have been oppressed though a secret hidden desire still burns in their soul.

makes you stop n think of who you are n in which category u stand. of course most of us would like to kid ourselves and say that we are those that dont feel the need to pusue self glory. yeah right. kid yourselves not for if you really take a look back n think of all the actions you have done, you have at one point of time in your life had the urge to pursue it.

that is why the grp is simply a minority or maybe practically non existent.
the world was created to be this way. best you know where you stand. n though this post may seem crititcal towards those that pursue self glory... some may argue it aint all that bad. or even foolish not to.

well bottomline im tryin to imply is that the battle to self glory is no easy one, people will get hurt. thank god for katira that reminds us of the finer things in life.

to all those who claim its foolish, i agree. just that sometimes the fool does the right but harder thing. oh wells.

2007-11-08T12:30:00.000+08:00

there was this boy. n the boy was named jack. n jack went up to iqbal n threw himself on iqbal. iqbal was stunned. the boy walked away n all of iqbal's friends laugh cause he kena jack.

Happy Diwali to all.

u lied to me n dont ask me how i know!

2007-11-07T16:50:00.000+08:00

ok this is simply a point to note.

i shan't play it cause i saw something i didn't need to know today. and what i saw just ended an impression. i don't want to say anything to anyone cause basically its hard to believe it. and frankly i have never been nor intend to be someone to bad mouth someone else. unless of course i'm really annoyed. yeah so prevent anything i shall quit playing cause people are getting irritated for nothing.
and also another point to add is i dont quite get what i did for you to say something like that. dude its just a game. n u know what, i bet someone is gonna ask u to read this. for that someone has your back. precisely why im blogging it here and not telling that person what i feel.cause i dont want to bad mouth you and she probably say i'm being paranoid. being a hippo i guess. haha.

n the chickens flew over my head again. n the first thing that i thought was that those chickens can really fly high.

2007-11-06T20:06:00.000+08:00

this is where we go our separate ways. once fought back to back now not seeing eye to eye. if it were a matter of friends its understood.. but for the simple spite to not see me to great heights?

sad. just sad. thankfully its all virtual.

todays trainin was murderous. after that i swear i was sleepin while playing pool. cant rmb a few parts of the pool game that i was playin. may have fallen asleep on the table. lol.

then came home n knocked out flat. shall blog more later when i come back from the airport

2007-11-06T00:48:00.000+08:00

alright two fights gone both won. haha. oh well.. turns out for the fight yahui vs joanne, i didnt support anyone. LOL though i did act as last killer for yahui in the account govindasamy. supposed to kill all of joannes jumpers as well but oh well she didnt have any last jumpers so yea, not needed as milu n natoon jumped to yahuis rescue. haha.

yeah got trainin tmr. sigh oh well.

i dont think it was neccessary to begin with.

haha. oh yeah b4 i forget, such assumptions can make u seem more foolish.

2007-11-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

joe!

i forgot to add this. dont you dare ask that during the chalet. i beg you not to.

2007-11-03T22:53:00.000+08:00

haha. this goes out to you. you were so damn sure that it wasnt referring to you. so sure it was someone else. but i knew better yet didnt want to kill your "self assurance". so blinded that it was more than just ignorance. it was simply..... arrogance n pride. yea thats what you have i suppose, too much pride.

though you dont look fat on the outside, you are very much thick skinned. haha. yes im talkin abt you. yet i bet you dont even know its referrin to you. why do i say this? cause you think we are beneath you by the way we act. yeah im sure your laws are the one that defines it eh? precisely why thick skinned. yet for someone who demands superiority, you are pretty much dumb. yes dumb n yet some dumb ppl can actually pull it off. you on the other hand, you dont hide your ignorance which makes your character simply an empty vessel that makes the most noise.

haha you know if i told you this straight out.. your ego would go beneath you. way down to the ground. whereby iqbal comes running in with a caveman outfit n stomps on it to the dirt. haha. yes thats why its being blogged here. cause im nice. yes rosheni i am nice!

so what makes me so certain you wont read this n think its you? cause haha, to be quite honest, your high self value you give yourself wouldnt permit you to think its you. n even if you suspected it, you wouldnt come up to me n ask me, you probably secretly scout around behind my back n find out whether it truly refers to you. haha. such toyance. sounds evil? nah this is as nice as it gets.

make it known that i find this extremely funny n that the respect you give us/me is much lower than that i give you. so be thankful alright. best let it be n not think its you. your life seems happier that way eh?

oh btw if you are wondering... its a two way street here (:

2007-11-02T21:29:00.000+08:00

to rachel n rosheni who say my blog is so damn emo. its much more happier alright? weeeee. halloween went by n for the first time i didnt do anything this year. odd feeling.

what else is new, the tortoise and you have made friends.

2007-11-02T00:37:00.000+08:00

haha i finally reached home.

okay man. today i woke up to a wonderful message from germaine askin me if my grandfather was so and so at fuckin 6 in the mornign. haha. so after chucking my phone aside, i went back to sleep till i woke up at 7 n went a small jog.

talked to joanne b4 heading to joes bday surprise thing. firstmet up with rosh n iqbal n tim n germs in school n then made my way to p.s. where we surprised him. smashed ice cream and all. n then met up with yahui n rachel to play pool. played pool with jo,joe,tim n yahui while rosh n rach went somewhere. didnt qute get it then but was too tired to ask.

then rachel suddenly calls pleading for sanity n i realise what she did. ahahahaha. after pool i went back with yahui on a train while i called rachel to check up on her n found out she needed a rescue team sent in. so yeah i went there n sent iqbals special agents to get her out(cab to bukit panjang) where i met her for a few drinks. then rosh finally came over n we drank n talked n she screamed cause of flies.

after that we went back to my place to get rusty where rosheni decides to make out with him. haha. at least my dog has good taste but still.... a leetle but weird ah?

yeah then i waited for rosh n rach to get in a cab each n paid for their fares. n now i am online talkin shit.

sigh.. what on earth goes on in the heads of ppl sometimes ah.. haha.

2007-10-31T22:13:00.001+08:00

Op finish...

pw finish....

school for the year officially finish...

my ego finish....

haha yea. oh well will blog more later. right now just want to say that i dont know why im this pissed.

oh well

2007-10-30T23:05:00.001+08:00

woke up pretty early this morning since i went to bed early the previous night. lost the mood to talk then. sigh. so yeah woke up in the morning n made my way down to training.

i remembered rishi askingme if wanted a dry run but didnt confirm n yahui hadnt replied any of my earliers messages so i figured there wasnt any. luckinly i messaged them n rishi told me just before i entered trainin that there was. though i dont know how since i didnt bring my laptop along with me. yeah.

played hockey till my legs were so tired that they didnt want to move after training. called yahui to see what bus goes there n since she hadnt left yt, decided to meet her n go. while waiting for her, saw a boy meet with an accident. not that serious but scary nonetheless. so glad it wasnt you though.

then after that we made our way to p.s. where we rehearsed the skit n played bridge. then me, yahui n joanne took a train to bishan where i followed joanne shopping for stuff till yahui finished her dental. since i wasnt in the mood of returning, ( no prize for guessing why ) i accompanied yahui in the library while she borrowed books. the two books that i think she borrwed was.... hmm dont recall now actually. though i rmb one of them is called "pop princess". lol

then went to makan some light snack b4 heading back home. she kept fussin over why i followed her. sigh. next time i decide to be nice and accompany someone, remind me to ask if its ok. hahahaha.

i went for a run b4 returnin home. a light one since i was damn tired alr. reached home n had dinner.

been feeling so tired lately over things around me. thanking god that there is still some form of refuge to look to in my friends. though sometimes scared that even that may disappear. but thats just being paranoid. didnt think it was fair that u would want to know why/when im annoyed when u wouldnt want to explain why u were, if i have to keep bugging you for it.. it jst makes me look retardedly desperate for a friend.

am i? nah i keep telling myself that its worth fightin for the friends that you cherish just hope the fight is mutual.

WAH PW TMR... im so thankful when its over man. can take a breather from school officially. n since i didnt make it to facilling, i guess hockey is the only reason to return to school. should i apply for 02? abt thick ckin ppl may say after failing the first round. lol.

just a thought. any suggestion on where you would like to go for a formal dinner? probably be on a sat after mass or smth. okie?haha

2007-10-28T21:27:00.000+08:00

ryan says: you got to hold strong through this times. cause leaning on some people are just causing you to loose them.

haha sigh.

oh well today was pretty boring. tmr got malay. in the words of hygin, may we do well to forget the language. (: yeah i probably forget all those peribahasa n poppadum n shit.

oh my gosh.. i just thought of something damn mean. (random, but yeah) nvm after thinkin abt it i have chosen not to blog abt it.

haha. yupp two weeks gone n survived with many battle scars. wonder what next week holds. abandonement definitely. but to which is unknown.

yeah. i refer to someone in particular here. wonder if she knows its her. lol. but i wanna go for a formal dinner together but not sure if you would like to.just to end the year off nice n sweet. hmm. i know you would read this so yeah im askin you here. :P anyways if you want to... let me know n then we see when k? just a hint. lol.

2007-10-28T02:04:00.000+08:00

im such a fool. haha.

it doesnt matter what i feel alright so just back off. i lost too many times already.

2007-10-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

today was alright i suppose. got the shoking response from the class that my hair looked like fuck. what else is new.. i know it looks disgusting la, with people rubbin it in. sigh. not like i wanted it anyways.

yeah spent the day playing soccer n finally ended with ljs again. probably the most mundane days ever. yeah i know. its been a rough two weeks n its not seeming brighter. top it most is when u know who really is there for you when you are at an all time low n who isnt. am i being foolish ? fendin for myself these past two weeks have been a real pain n its just all the more tiring. just seems like im edgin towards where i used to be. i gotte accept it? maybe.... i mean its a hassle to ask to stay when it clearly shows otherwise. who am i to demand that of a person. what ive given shouldnt be compensated with similar treatment. hahaha.. yeah a fool indeed,.

and of all times to arrive at my house, today. im scared cause i just am. i dont wanna forgive cause ill regret not doin so earlier.sigh. i just dont want u here in my house. for once cant i just stay angry n not give a shit. so much shit, just gotta bottle. thats what i do best right? learnt it the hard way on why it is neccessarry.

on a lighter note, i lost two kg today.

2007-10-21T17:53:00.000+08:00

yo mah niggas, this post will be doin a lettle bit of advertising yes?

TO ALL T30 Rockers Out there,

Chalet is on the 21st to 23rd November.
Cost per person as of now is 40bucks. wanna know why ? ?

this be the rough plan for the chalet:

first afternoon we slack and talk rubbish in the chalet till night. maybe go swim or play pool there.
First Night we be having a steamboat dinner IN the chalet along with cocktails n music so basically we be chilling out the whole night yes ?
Cards/Movies/PS3 n other random games we bring will be played there.

Second morning we wake up and get ready to go to Wild Wild Wet or Escape dependin on the mood. we spend the whold day there playing and by evening we all head to the beach where we will be BbQ-ing. Whilst having a bbq, we shall bike n skate n hang out in the beach. We shall eat to our hearts content and probably drink a bit of alcohol. We probably find something to do the whole night so there is no problem with activities but for those who want to sleep, there would be a tent pitched there.

the next morning we probably all clear up and head for breakfast. so why 40? cause it covers the lodging, ALL the food, drinks ( both alcoholic n not ) , Wild wild Wet. its pretty worth it if you ask me.

So to all T30 rockers n the embassadors to the class.. Please please please try and make it for this year end celebration to enjoy the memories of our one year spent. So please confirm with me whether you are going and pass me or yahui the money so that we can get this thing going.

...............................end of advertisement....................

ok so yeah.. PW is a bitch these days cause im braindead into doing it. I managed to promote and have been praying that things pick up for germaine n chang yong n rosheni. God has his plans for them so trust him.

yupp.. im sorry about ytd. oh well i slothed the whole of today while i was actually at home n now i really should be doing some work.
Pw-- sigh
Malay-- GG

ever wondered what happens when you try to burn yoko yoko?

oh 16more days till she you come back. woot.

2007-10-18T20:42:00.000+08:00

hey peeps today be another random day in school. was late for school today cause i was stuck in a jamming session. too bad it ran out of butter yes?

then i spent the first period cleaning the board with iqbal n thought the first period was bio so set in an empty lecture theatre for an hour. second period was then bio lecture and was paying attention while talkin to andre and iqbal abt rubbish. then had chem tutorial whih i was pretty much stoned cause my mind was still filled with last nights convo with my captain.

went for break to celebrate rishi's bday. happy birthday dude. n after break we had some N.S. talk shit which was pretty interesting. after that had the anchor test which was a waste of my time.

yupp then went home with iqbal n talk a whole lot of shit.

yeah im really feelin down these few days. sigh if only... ah fuck it. shall make that choice soon. now gotta plan for OP as well as chalet as well as Alevel mt. (note the order of importance)

to all those that promoted, well done. to those that didnt, im prayin hard for you.

this next part should be ignored for those that dont really want to give a shit.
im feeling like a fool and this mask that im putting up to hold everything up is wearing out. im tired n need to lean. it just doesnt feel the same anymore. alone n left standin by myself holding the fort. bleah. i miss sji where i had eugene n hygin in school. now.. once had in class has been now lost. sigh. screwed up choices ive got to make.

i dont want to become bitter. i shouldnt be. but.... i envy all of you ppl who have people around you n dont cherish them.

on a different note: i hate being indian.i hate myself for it.

2007-10-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

i promoted. finally heaves a sigh of relief. yet... im not happy. im not happy cause a lot of ppl arent. sigh.

shall blog more on this another time. gettin tired n high.

argh! so hard to forget n ignore. ):

2007-10-15T23:43:00.001+08:00

i passed bio.. woot

2007-10-14T22:59:00.000+08:00

fighting for a friendship should be a dual force. it will not succeed if its just the one, cause if its just the one then the friendship is not valued and is heading to oblivion.

dont fool yourself to think its valued. society blinds the people

2007-10-14T14:09:00.000+08:00

been a while since last blogged eh?

nah that aint true. well friday was open house and boy was it one tiring one. according to yahui about 650+ people came to have a look. not bad.
well it rained n playing in the rain was quite apt cause its been a while since i did anything in the rain.

after the open house, i bumped into joe n chang yong from odac and we all decided to take 966 back home. talked nonsense as always n bumped into yahui just before boarding the bus. yupp reached home pretty exhausted.

yesterday i woke up n marked a few of my brothers maths papers. then after that i headed to hygin's place but not before topin by at eugene to collect his charger from his dad. AweSome catchin up with you guys though it was only a short while. ): but nonetheless fun. played some shit scary game. heart was racing la i swear.

then i took a cab down to novena for pw. finally got the oral presentation started la. sounds promising. didnt go for novena cause pw dragged on longer n i felt guilty leaving them behind. it wouldnt be fair to the rest if i slack off. oh well. after that we went walkin around shops n had dinner at kfc. took a train back but not before being scolded by yahui abt not being economical.

went back home. and watched england game.Woot to england. 3-0mah niggas.

the results for promos have been depressing. really it has. its not just me
but the whole class. all talkin abt not promoting and all that shit. so far got back my supposedly only good subject and that is maths. i know im gonna die for the rest.

chalet preprations have been very the err.. annoying cause im some noob and nobody knows what to do. haha. oh well..

ill never let our friendship die cause you have been so close to my heart. friends with history not that are history. show me you value us just as much as i do.

2007-10-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

who ever thought that today would turn out to be the most retarded day ever.

firtly i woke up today n came to school as per normal. played cards in the morning b4 assembly. then had SD lesson which i had to do some survey which was so darn useless. the questions there were damn funny. hahaha.

then for the first time GP turned out to be fun as we did some funny word game and also played taboo. laughed a lot with iqbals retarded answers.

then i went for break where sick jokes were being cracked as jia yii was being some noob in so many stuff. n then hmm ice ended up flying into my mouth after rosheni shot it. how apt ah? yes i know you will read this n laugh your ass off. n what kind of question was how did it taste?! like wth? its ice la. haha

then after taht i had malay where i actually subpassed malay. woot! cikgu say i am risky in my marks but im hopin id do well enough la. sigh. but al in all i was as usual disruptin the class for them. after malay i went back n found the class pretty empty except for those who were going to minds cafe.

after deliberation i decided to follow them cause a certain someone disappeared from scene. not like its not been like that these past two days. sigh. but oh well. took the bus there. in the middle of the bus, milu calls me to ask me whether to get off. how retarded is that??? hahah.

yeah.. finally arriving at MindsCafe we had fries and started off playing UNO stacko. yes the firt roun the thing got knocked down by germaine who didnt even touch the thing. lmao man.
n then.... the second one became interesting. haha after that we continued to play taboo which was once again damn funny.
Germaine : " rachel needs a ..... "
Lindy and Milu response in sync : " a boob job!"
wth.... hahaha

after spendin quite some time.i followed lindy, milu, rachel and rosheni to vivo to grab stuff from candy empire. awesome! then lindy had to go and this was where the madness began. i went shoppin with the rachel milu and rosheni. have you ever tried? its pure craziness. i mean it in the most interesting way. the amount of retarded stuff that happened. never knew that IMH had that many runaway patients.

oh yeah i promised i would quote this phrase by rachel, though some may not get it. "ok lorh, dunno lah, anything lorh..."

haha eventually went back at like freakin 8 in the night.
i think i was dragged and walked more than i run for training. its amazing this ppl hate P.E.

sigh. what you have been doing has just sucked.

2007-10-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

this feeling sucks.

heartbroken but cant show it. wish you would talk things out with me without just stating where you stand. its hurting so bad to know why you have given up. making me hate myself even more for who i am.

a strong voice inside is telling me to hold on. i dont know why? hoping against all odds you decide to step out of your comfort zone. stepping out to give this a shot. the voice in me is strong yet i dont know why. silent whisper to not loose faith. wish id wake up and know that its a different world we live in. wish id wake up and know you would follow that small feelings. ill hang on till all is lost.

wish it were so. GOKW im feeling right now.

btw.. sarah you are a real flirtatious bitch who is screwin up my friend's life. just thought id say it here since you wouldnt really read this anyways.

2007-10-06T14:47:00.000+08:00

2007-10-06T11:28:00.001+08:00

i am definitely missing something here. i cant see it. seriously.

2007-10-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

hello people that read my blog. im not gonna bother to change the colouring for this post cause i just wanna type random stuff. and its just banyak leychey.

well today i woke up at around 12. haha. the sweet enjoyment of sleeping in. woke up and felt that satisfaction of knowin that i have no exams. well at least for now that is. got the main house com fixed today. after prolonging it for so damn long.

then had brunch while was on the com playing some random spiderman game. well i had the whole day to kill so i sorted out my files in my laptop and then went for a run.

by the time it was 4pm and i was talking to eugene and hygin via sms before knocking out on the sofa n slept till 7. was having a nice dream... close to the end n unfortunately my phone rang and shit.. i never found out the ending. haha.

pw is gonna be another headache to me. but at least i just realised how much my group rocks. haha. yes joseph goh my group rocks my socks cause we have managed to get everything done so far while still having fun. though a few snapping here n there.

oh n and how can i forget mother tongue. the joy man. hahahahahha. manbeast vs ryan. the final showdown is arriving. hey im not so arrogant to say im gonna win cause i may fail my malay but so far so good ive been dodging all bullets. macam matrix sia. haha. saya fikir kan, saya akan ikut iqbal punya kata.... " hantam sajelah".

yes... a bit of malay for the noobs out there. im feelin a bit nuts suddenly. there is this lag period from playin o2jam just now. it was damn funny cause i turned my speaker to a very low volume and was just hittin keys. n those drum songs had a better beat when i hit the keys on the keyboard. so basically i was listenin to me hit the keys. haha

oh yeah a few shoutouts that i have not mentioned:

momo: your mehmeh wishes you the best of luck in your alevels.

hygin and eugene: thank you for the help durin the promos.

joseph goh: yo bro thanks for the promo period and makin it enjoyable with your nonsense.

joanne and chang yong: accompanyin me while i studied through the night.

mr bala: for staying black with me. lol (dunno why also)

iqbal: kau punya rambut akan jatuh ke lantai. hahaha

yahui: msging me at the most appropraite times (haha joe)

yesh that be abt it.
to joe: its like one last cigarette for you. you just find it hard to let go. LOL. n i win nescafe.

it has come whereby i know i gotta talk to you before the results come out. why? cause its simple. i want the day of our results to not be the day we actually think abt factors that dont pertain to the results itself. we got the time now. we have no brick wall to hide behind. our results are just the final factor.

scared? thought so... so am i. lol. there is so much more i wanna express to you but cant cause nothing has happened yet. no joseph im not some noob in treatin a girl properly. i just cant for now, not till anything has happened. and if it doesnt.. oh well. put a plaster and stagger on.
to hold you in my arms, to let you know how much i care.
and if you are reading this, n have no clue what im talkin abt. its ok. i too am high n no clue what im talkin. wait im always high. but for now not really cause im seated down on a chair.

haha. strawberry shortcake arrived at my house. oh yeah. point to note. my DOG has a girlfriend. like wth. the one person in this household that knows all abt what im gg through ( yes i talk to my dog ) has gone a found himself some bitch from the block. hahaha. lol.

well tmr be some boring day unless i go out in the evening. not too sure of what plans i got but hey i am living by the day yes? lol.

2007-10-05T00:40:00.000+08:00

My 100th post reserved none other than for the end of promos. hahahah

yes my friends the time has finally come. kick back n relax and watch the night sky cause promos are finally over. who cares abt the results. ill worry abt them another time.

after the exam i went back to slepp and et ready to meet the joanne, joseph and yahui at bugis. i wasnt late though scolded most of the time. haha whats new eh?

then had pastamania for dinner and then went to shisha at salmars. joe took mixed fruit while i took cappucino. payed random game n talked a lot of rubbish. finally went it was time to leave, me n yahui said goodbye to jo n joe while we headed off to take 851. unfortunaltely we took the bus the wrong way so much that we ended up at tiong bahru. like wts? then had to take another bus back to her place. haha. by the time it was abt 1145. said goodbye and took a bus back home.

fullfillin n accomplished. more to come. the one last exam.

2007-10-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

recycle bin

i thought todays bio paper was manageable. though now not anymore since mr bala just told me our class fucked it up. he be marking the MCQ already. aiya.. if you read this, dont come up to me and go... " huh really ah? how you know? " i just said that mr bala just told me. compared to the rest of the classes, our results are bad.

chem was screwed up. yes it was the epitome of fuck. so i definitely gonna fail that shit.

went to eat god only knows what today. i was shit tired. then joe be talkin nonsense to keep awake,sane and black just like how it should be. walked a lot and i know somehow we ended up in macs talkin. was half asleep, yet mind filled with post exam details as well as irritating thoughts.

if i fail and not promote i suppose ill further my teaching career in poly. maybe not early childhood anymore but perhaps a maths lecturer of some sort. yes i know it sounds insane. but i enjoy explaining math.

promos are ending. im a bit scared. sick gut feeling inside makes me feel that ive lost something dear during this period of studyin and mugging. the battle was a long fought one now that its over its time to look for the battle scars that can either make us stronger or affect us for life.

maybe its true that my heart feels more for you then you do for me. maybe tats why its easier for you to go days of silence. and it kills to not know how or what you are up to. maybe im envious over the fact that i your hiatus has affected me the greatest. although then again what kind of hiatus was that? ha.
part of me hopin you would just say something. yet ignorance became your best friend lately.
i think im no longer stable in the head.

p.s. joe im no longer guilty. if its the way it is then it was something hard fought.

2007-10-02T03:14:00.001+08:00

its three o clock in the morning on the second of october 2007. i have gone three consecutive days without sleep. im gonna die oh so badly for my chem. what the hell. ItS DoNe alr man. so i cant be bothered. now im here studyin for bio promo. need to pass. so far score goes...

Ryan vs Bio Promo---> 2:1 ( half time report)

haha take that you oncogene.
paper is in 5hrs time. lets see how it goes eh?
it draws close.

2007-09-30T20:55:00.001+08:00

bykl gr. g dccj uc ypc epmugle tcpw ynypr. rfmsefq md jmmqgle wms qsai.

2007-09-29T14:47:00.000+08:00

My Offer to You

sigh i just spent the day sleeping. oh man. what the hell is wrong with me? ! i should get back to work soon. gonna meet joe first in an hour for novena. then when i return.. i really gotta study.

Someone PLEASE slap me back into place cause im loosing focus before crossing the finishing line

2007-09-29T01:03:00.000+08:00

maths just sucked alright.

didnt do as well as i should. cant vent on anyone cause the world revolve around the fact that ryan cannot complain cause he supposedly gonna easily promote. damn you.

well totally lost motivation to do any work at all. loosing all hope of doing much. i know i shouldnt but yea its just the way i am

tired of this sharade i put so its time for me to let loose some steam.

i am fuckin scared as well. i think im not gonna do the best i can and although i may promote, i got a feeling i may loose something greater than the prospects of retaining.

and being surrounded by sad ppl and pessimistic ppl are ok with me. seriously. i dont mind talkin and cheering you guys up. but it hits a stage where you just got no one to cheer you up cause everyone thinks you are way on top of things.

the ever useless, but all ive got now, punching bag blog.

2007-09-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

i stole this from aerin. quite apt to how im feeling now

screw promos

2007-09-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

its simple.

the day was so different today.
attempted to study but yet thoughts deviatin towards you.
reminds me of ideal gases
so silent it was today.

2007-09-22T16:52:00.000+08:00

i have a song stuck in my head now. realy awesome. yahui sent it to me this morning when i woke up. thank you (:

heres the song:

"Bless The Broken Road"

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

yepp thats it.

i spoke to rishi this afternoon. cant believe what his friends think of him. please la we are in a mixed school you dumbasses. why do you choose to segregate the genders?
ha i bet you dont even understand what im saying cause what you think already proves your stupidity. rishi can be irritating at times but who are you to tell him whom not to speak to. my guess is that you are jealous cause you cant let your stereotype in your head vanish and just mingle with the rest. its not like he doesnt talk to any guy at all. definitely is not flirt.
if you are reading this, i think you are not worth his time. seriously. haha and if you think you can intimidate him with your bullshit lies i challenge you to take me on. its not that hard to find out who i am. im the tallest guy in school. O.o

think you are so big . i dont think rishi needs friends likes you. i got his back and im sure a lot more others have mine. useless git.

2007-09-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

yo people i be thinkin this be my last post till after promos yes? well maybe not. i may update again but if i do that means i either am damn confident in the subjects (highly unlikely) or i given up already.

well i dedicated my last post to the class of t30. this post however is dedicated to...

Id like to thank you for being there when i most needed you
i want to thank you for not beng there when i needed to learn on my own.
id like to thank you for giving me hope that i may stand a chance in gettin a normal life.
id like to thank you for puttin us to the test.

15days more. im sorry for hurting you if i have. i will admit here that i was being very stupid and tensed over nothing. you are my hope to giving me a normal life. ill testify it here. i dont care abt what ppl say. its my blog and what i want to say.
you are a sweet girl, a treasure in my eyes. and i wanna let you know that, cause it is what drives me to never give up. i do hope we both survive the next 15 days. times have been rough. with every stone under immense pressure a diamond emerges.

everytime you feel like givng up, think back on everythin good that we have gone through. remember.... doesnt that drive you to push for more fun times to come?

i have no itention of joining him the island. if it should be perhaps we be on an island together after this. i told you i hated promos. lol.

2007-09-16T18:56:00.000+08:00

yo people. i know these few days my blog has been rather emo. but i had good friends around me to sorta of slap me back in place.

i admit that i was pissed at god for a lot of things. but nothing beats his love if we decide to turn to him. he is all i really need. why do i demand for more when he is everything i ever wanted. anythin i do get is suppose to be bonus? i think i was being very selfish when i was pissed at god for my bad knees and all the problems i face. and after watching the above video, me thinks me has had the best life god is giving me. he has thrown me into so many things but always kept that cord that links me to him available. just like in the video.

thats something we can all learn from. im no saint to preach this but im someone who has gone through experiences. many times in our lives we are thrown into somethin we dont like. shit happens. and we crave and ask why is it always me? why do i have it so bad? but are you really in a bad state. the only ever time you are in a bad state is when that cord with god snaps. thats when you know you are more or less fucked. but to be honest, we are blessed by him who no matter what we do is always there . though sometimes the struggle to find him is tough, if we keep seekin, we will find him once again.

this is dedicated to a special someone i know as well as to the class of 1T30 who are in preparation for their promos. i hope that when you guys read this, you take a step back and remember all the good times that god gave us this year and isnt that enough for us to fight on for another meaningful year.

and to that special someone.. isnt all the good times you have had, worth fightin through this for so much more? ill see you at the other end (:

2007-09-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

basically this is a short post.

i lost one pants today cause it doesnt want to come off. sigh. thankfully the shirt wasnt that bad. salvagable. i hate this. why cant i be normal? without the fuckin knee problems or the damn tall one? no one understands how it feels inside. agony beyond measure. but people just keep at it. and i hate being unable to do normal physical shit without hurtin my knees.
bet you think im equally hopeless too.
the feeling sucks when u got no one cheering you up but yourself. no one that believes in you but yourself. no one that you could talk to that would actually say something non sarcastically nice to you but yourself. i used to have that till that person one day packed up n left cause of things i got no control over. wonder if she will ever return.

no response since read. no shared thoughts abt it. assumption being made. you know what i mean. i guess after all it was a good thing i showed you. goes to show that i was a fool to assume it was really not the case.

2007-09-11T22:22:00.000+08:00

i give up.
damn tired already. shoot, bang. dead.
hate this.
crying.
nabeh.
sorry blog ; my punching bag again.

2007-09-10T21:51:00.000+08:00

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

yeah this be the second post after yahui suggested doin the test another time.

wah what a waste of time today when i reached home. attempted ionic equilibria. couldnt find no bra. haha. see ive gone nuts. must really gun chem this week. n bio next week must be pro. damn i must pass these. though chem not too sure.

been craving sweet stuff lately. sigh. hoping to eat with you soon. been a long while i agree. but with so many things happenin everywhere, seems we can never coordinate to go. lol.

the hunt is over

the dagger lingers over the throat of the beast.

this is all too familiar, it basicaly is routine.

but yet something is different this time.

as i am starin in his eyes I hear a voice whisper

for the first time, i cannot bring himself to kill the creature.

a feelin is holdin me back...

confusion.

2007-09-10T16:57:00.000+08:00

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

monday blues....
yeah school restarted again. but did it really end?? i doubt it. sigh so much work not done yet more work being piled. oh wait... i forgot to add. so little time as well. crap.

well the day started of as a surprise n then at the near end it was brought back to reality and then subsequently a stoned feeling. yepp. basically means (and i know only a few will get this) i was loosing the nescafe bet n then i half won... n finally i really did win it for sure. yepp. i need to emphasize how much i hate promos. well the amount of hate i have for it is directly proportionate to the amount of time germaine talks or rishi's ass or ms rani hideous sense of fashion.

i suppose that comfort is what i saw today as i was heading home. choice made and i somehow knew what it meant. yes i m being damn vague here i know. but someone had a choice to stand up and just suck it up, chose not to and its back to comfort that person went. or maybe that person didnt have the slightest inch of want to stand up. maybe thought it was unnecessary and based it on what that person felt. so it really did boil down to choice. wonder if i would ever do that? hmm. ppl makes things difficult in life but should we really succumb to it?

oh yeah the continuation of the story two post back:

i pick up the dagger and hold it firm,
i know what i must do.
the instincts are there just like its been so many times.
the hunt is easy
the creature and i are like brothers.

to be cont'nd

2007-09-09T00:42:00.001+08:00

so close but not within reach

wah my brain is fryin. i is damn stressed. i tried the maths papers today. and basically it was there to tell me how much i suck. n then i thought to myself how maths is supposedly my strong subject? so if i suck in maths. .... .... ... yeah you get what i mean. my other subjects are screwed.

i hate promos. i really do. there is nothing nice coming out from this. lets list it down shall we?
1) its causing my heart to race in fear
2) its just gonna show how i suck in my studies.
3) if i dont do well, i will not forgive myself.
4) i know we are all in the same boat. so basically if i got a feelin im gonna fail, there is a chance the rest may too which is bad cause.... aiya its complicated.

i hate this shit. i wish it were over. wish it was as simple as olevels. i wish i was young again. blissful. stepping into grounds i know too well. but familiarity never meant adaptive.

im becomin increasingly bitter with life. dunno why. actually i do. but i dont want to say it here. it basically is how i wish someone up there would cut me some slack. like pls la. ive done what u wanted me to. i have helped a lot i dont intend to stop, dont get me wrong. ill continue to help. but please la...
why wont u send your guardian angel to me? or rather why do u put her so close but not within reach. you alr took away one last year and then the next closest person had to leave as well at the start of this.

sometimes you know me too well. i know ill survive. just wishing.....

haha fellow readers my blog is gettin more n more difficult to understand yes? thought so. haha. the papaya is wobbling with me now. lol.

2007-09-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

thanks butfut. that be useful for some reason. i m loving the song "that's why" by mltr. very nice. watched a lot of ali g n borat today. haha. oh went out to study with eugene today. haha damn funny la. lept disturbing me n talkin rubbish was pure awesome. lol. then it rained n we both were cursing our lungs out. how nice. haha. idiot, i shall hide my maths booklet at all cost now la. walau of all the colours. PINK!

then came home n baked a cake with timothy. haha also nice. then mum came back with a huge box of dunkin donuts and i remembered that she went to malaysia today sia. haha i be damn bored now.

i wish you were back right now. i dont like the idea of what im hearing man. its disgusing. worse comes to worse you dont go back tmr? haha. sheesh. cant believe it la. ewww. sigh.

promos are drawing damn near. shit man the teens are now turnig to single digit soon. by school reopen it be 10days left. oh no.
my knees have been hurtin an awful lot lately. really sucks. my left hand feels weird after being scalded slightly. felt like i set it on fire once again. haha. miss those times. no more fun without you guys man.

raindrops fall on the window,
light floods the room that is so gloom.
i step in over that dusty carpet,
and pull over the white sheet.
looks at the blade gleam at the edge,
stained with those who are now dead.

its time...

2007-09-06T01:02:00.000+08:00

here a belated present to mr bala though u already seen it. haha.
yupp this is t30 n it rocks!!

lets just comment on project work for a while. im suppose to be tributing mendeleev but it seems the more i plan his tribute the more i want to shoot him if he were still alive.

yupp thats pw for you. n glancing at our term 4 timetable, it rocks but sadly its only for a few days la. nonetheless i only gotta face manbeast for 2 hours in the week. lol.

life waits for no one so why should you? carpe diem man. i learnt that a long time ago and figured thats what i shall do. many ppl take this meaning to literal and live the day as though someone will rob them of all their money or that there would be an annihilation of chocolates. lol on the contrary carpe diem means appreciating what you have in life n making the most of what you already have. i can choose to not appreciate this cup of milk that im drinkin at 1:09AM but i do. this glass of milk is what is keepin me awake at this hour. haha.

random i know. i finally got Ares on my laptop. so back to downloading music on my lappy. rusty has a new bling. anyways val if u are stil out there please call me asap. i wanna know what happened. like seriously. ive been tryin to call these past two days.

2007-09-05T20:36:00.000+08:00

WARNING! Emo Post Ahead.
to some this is meaningless so i invite u to just ignore ok

here goes,

its perplexing.
i feel like shootin myself in the head la. why? cause i just dont want to face whats ahead. i dont know what happened between us. there was a time i knew you had feelings for me. now i dont know cause you are stressed out for promos. i dont want you to think abt it anymore. but hmmm... seems like i happen to think abt it.

yes. the way we have been has been justified. i understand it now. i really do. but i see ahead n i know things are gonna be different for us. at the rate we go, its not only you whom i know would loose feeling but me too. and that sucks cause i really do like you. and right now i dont want to let you go. maybe we wont. maybe at the end of the road we still will have feelings for each other. maybe you would recall how we were,

i dont know. seems like i temporarily have lost someone to talk to through this annoying thing called promos. someone who i could vent on n talk n light a smile on my face. damn makes u hate promos more than others eh? haha. yeah sad humour. yeah my blog has been my punching bag lately. wish you were still here but i know better after what we said ytd

clarify things here b4 another misunderstanding occurs. i dont expect an answer from you as according to you. i hope u understand that n stop feelin pressured abt things alr. i dont want an answer till we both are in a state to talk abt it till after promos. i just hope that you vent on me like you used to cause i know this are stressful times(for all of us, not just you). i cant help you study but i can be your punching bag. (: you wont raise my hopes by telling me how you really feel. cause i am a bit mature to know what is impt first.

i wont force u at the end of the line when things need to be settled. we weigh it together n we decide together. together damn it. when one is not agreeable after a long discussion then it wont work. this doesnt revolve around you alone. i too have a part in deciding. my mind isnt made up. though u think it is.

please dont make it look like i want an answer. i just dont want you to hide. just be brutally honest with yourself n me.
critical point here.
i asked u ytd if u really wanted to end everything, i wont hold you back but be sure to end it based on what you want. not what u think is best for me and not on what others think. i dont want u to stay cause you think you will disappoint me or that ppl will think bad of you. neither do i want u to leave cause u think its best for me or that cause people talk. n you chose not to leave as of yet. you chose to stay n wait till after promos. i hope you know that means that i havent given up on you n neither should you.
but it doesnt mean we will be togethere at the end of promos just cause we arent letting this die now. no it only means we give ourselves a chance.
a chance that we shouldnt think abt while we prepare for this irritating thing called promos but a chance that we not ignore. haha if u get what i mean after all this then say "apple pie". dunno why but yeah. haha

well. i am still gonna battle this thing called promos. idiotic thing but yeah. i wish life was cotton candy and bubble gum. we all hate pw. haha.

ok ppl im donin emoing. better put a warning above. lol. to ppl who dont understand just ignore it la. like i said, my blog has been my punching bag lately.

2007-09-04T19:08:00.000+08:00

a bit of good news... today had bio lecture and i found out that homeostasis onwards is not tested. yay! haha. yeah i sat next to germaine n jia yii. a bit funny. then they started drawing on my arm n then on my pants! thats another addition to the various marks on my pants that i cant get out of my uniform. sigh. then subsequently i got one on my head. like wth pain. and then when i did the same to the person, i never had peace after that. chang yong went on a whacking spree to hit me. n germaine had her parents comment on it as though i didnt have enough ppl alr telling me i was a bad influence. sorry anyways for snapping.

then went to makan at macs at tp. been a while since i had macs breakfast. (: then i went all over the place with you. haha. walked quite a bit, even entered a library. talked somemore n then followed yahui to bishan n waited for her dental to finish before going again on another escapade in a library n subsequently at the side. talked a lot till i finally saw things clear.

hope you forgive me. though you dont have a reason to. im here if you need someone to vent on. you are never a burden, so please dont stress yourself out for the exams n bottle things in if you cant take it.
you may be fighting this alone, but know that im here beside you if you need me.
sorry. ill be here even as a friend to catch every tear. so please dont cry.

2007-09-03T22:14:00.000+08:00

i'm doing this quiz from anna's blog and i'm supposed to name ten weird habits/facts about myself, and then tag six people to do it too, not including her. i tag everyone who sees this entry. haha. okay, so here goes.

1) i love old rock and rold songs. im a damn oldies person.

2) im a pyromaniac.

3) i got acute rheumatism

4) i can crack my wrist continuously

5) ive never gotten drunk b4 though i drink a lot

6) i think pink is so gay and shouldnt be on a guy

7) i roll off my bed all the time ( so i sleep on it n wake up on the floor)

8) i got a scar on my right heel that is due to a very scary story.

9) i bake cakes n cookies n biscuits n brownies when i got time

10) i used to be afraid of clowns.

yepp thats it.

2007-09-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

(too lazy to add colour combi)
today was one rainy day man.
woke up kind of late for bio lecture today and completely missed it cause i reached school at nine. had the doughnuts as well as the chocolates from the wedding. awesome stuff. then i went to makan with chang yong n iqbal. dunno where a certain someone disappeared to. lol. had bio prac with the tadpole. interesting.

after prac watched mark's skit for god knows what reason. haha. then i went to watch dead silence with rachel, rosheni, tim and milu. the show was the SEKS. haha yes it was scary enough and nice to watch. so yeah. oh and then i went back home n slept dreamt of Mary Shaw. haha. not the most prettiest person to dream of but yeah it was the moment. lol. so cool. now i gotta check the backs of people and make sure they arent dead yet.

yupp so tht was my day so far.

the trip was surprisingly damn nice. I had loads of fun. the drinks the dancing and the food. it felt weird cause at every function i had you there on the dance floor with me. but then this was the first function without you there so it felt strangely sad. nvm still got wedding in december to go for. (: i hd so much fun. felt so good to let loose away from hectic lifestyle. now im back and my sources of comfort is slowly going through selfishness. rachel asked me today... " why are you so nice? " i never replied but here it is " it may one day just go away, so savour it now cause once lost i dont think it wil come back. "

i heard this song on the radio by a1. chorus said:

got one foot out the door,
I don’t wanna hear ‘bout him no more
I’ll make a long story short,
Time to make up your mind girl
No more back and forth,
I don’t wanna hear ‘bout him no more
If I’m not what you want,
I don’t wanna hear no more.

yupp. nice song.

anyways the exams are approachin like a torpedo. fuck i cant dodge it. NO! haha. two weeks to fasting for the muslim. yay bazaar.sorry iqbal but im looking forward to it.

lets face simple truths again. my post loves doing that.
i missed you. thought abt you when i was away.
im not afraid to type this out.
not afraid to let you know it
im not afraid to tell you i love you.
im not afraid to show my care for you and look after you.
im definitely not ashamed to be with you no matter what people say.
what im afraid of is... its not the same with you.

so its true la. no reassurance means you fear saying it out?
want to chill out one of these days with you but maybe you wouldnt want to.
i dont know whether you still feel the way you did a month ago.
you are either hiding it or lost it. either ways the feelings sucks.
chance given or chance hidden?
i love you. thats all i want to say. i want you to know.
will you ever say the same? will you ever tell me you care?
will you tell me once again tat you love me?
or will you just never say it again.

pawn takes two steps forward
if u know this refered to you. will you not ignore it and say something positive please!!! hanging in limbo sucks.
whisper it in my ears that you still care or just tell me upfront its over for us. this hiding.. not fun. haha.